Mother’s Day is upon us, which means mums up and down the country are about to be presented with a soggy bunch of daffodils and a card that cheerily declares them the “best” of the bunch. Which is lovely and all, but sometimes… well, sometimes we want their gushing compliments to be a little more specific. After all, it always feels more meaningful when someone praises us for something that makes us feel as if they’ve been paying attention to all we are and do.

What would happen, though, if they handed out awards to parents like they do to actors and filmmakers? What if, instead of Best Director, we had Best And Most Creatively Hidden Vegetables In A Toddler Dinner? Most Efficient Locator Of Missing Wellington Boots? Calmest Head Kept When The Whole Family Is Felled By Norovirus? Or even a prize for that one ‘been there, bought the T-shirt’ parent who knows exactly what to do when, mid-traffic jam on the M25, the kids announce they need the toilet right now?

You get the picture; if parenting came with trophies, we’d all have shelves full. And so, to help your family find the very best award for you, we’ve come up with a few suggestions. 

Congratulations and good luck to all of our nominees this Mother’s Day…

The Mystery Smell Solver Award

For the parent who bravely tracks down an unidentified odour… and instantly regrets it.

Bedtime Negotiator of the Month

Given to the mum who somehow returns from a 90-minute tuck-in ordeal with (almost) a smile on her face.

Car Seat Wrestling Champion

For successfully summoning the strength to strap in a thrashing, screaming toddler (guns of steel, much?), while maintaining a modicum of composure. 

The GCSE Stress Endurance Medal

For supporting a teen who is very stressed but also hasn’t actually revised yet. See also: the dreaded driving theory test.

The LEGO Landmine Award

In recognition of stepping on a rogue LEGO and not screaming (too loudly).

The IKEA Generation Art Prize

Anyone who manages to assemble flatpack furniture – without losing their cool – deserves a whole trophy cupboard, quite honestly. Especially if it’s bunk beds. Especially if it’s done solo.

The “Why Is It So Quiet?” Investigator

For discovering a child’s silent chaos just in time. 

The Midnight Toy Extraction Prize

For skillfully retrieving a beloved teddy bear (“I’VE LOST TEDDY!”) from under the bed at 3am when your child starts screeching in the middle of the night.

The Softplay Survivor

For the mums who charge into that technicoloured pleather nightmare to rescue their child from certain peril (usually as aforementioned child attempts to dodge and squirm further and further into the plastic tunnels).

The Caffeine MVP

For consuming more coffee than water and still feeling exhausted.

The Toddler Stylist Honour

For leaving the house in an outfit chosen by a three-year-old (bonus points if it includes a cape or mismatched shoes).

The Nap Time Miracle Worker

For actually getting a child to nap against all odds… even if it involves driving the car endlessly around the block as they nap peacefully in the back.

The “Just One More Book” Endurance Trophy

For reading The Gruffalo (or another favourite book) on demand until you’ve done it about… ooh, 17 times in a row? Bonus points if you can recite it from memory.

The “I Wasn’t Hungry Anyway” Pin

This one goes to the mum whose meal apparently looks better than everyone else’s and is stolen (or “shared”, if you believe your child’s version of events).

The Parent’s Evening Champion

For nodding earnestly, without so much as a lip quiver, while listening as a stony-faced teacher regales you with tales about your child’s creative classroom behaviour.

The Public Tantrum Service Award

For enduring an epic meltdown in your local Morrisons without breaking down into tears yourself – and still leaving the shop with at least some dignity intact.

The “What’s That On Your Face?” Shield

For fearlessly wiping off unknown substances without asking questions.

The Last-Minute Creative Genius Prize

For those mums who manage to pull together a World Book Day costume or an Easter bonnet the night before it’s needed, out of odds and ends they have lying around the house. Even better if you do it at the school gate somehow!

The Self-Care Champion

It’s so incredibly important to find a moment to unwind, so you definitely get your flowers if you manage to carve some intentional time out for yourself on a semi-regular basis. Ideally, this needs to look like more than finally drinking that hot cup of tea, but we’re willing to bend the rules if you are…

Images: Getty