1. People taking photos during the ceremony or other intimate parts of the wedding.

2. The bouquet toss can get in the bin, respectfully.

3. Getting sloppy drunk. It’s a wedding, not a 21st birthday party. There’s no need for you to be throwing up in a car park by 9pm.

4. Black tie weddings and other proscriptive dress codes.

4a. Very expensive bridesmaid requirements. Either suck up the cost of frocks yourself or let your party wear something they love that suits their colouring and figure. They are never going to wear your Two Birds dress again, I promise. And let your bridal party make use of your hair and make-up artist too; it’s all part of the fun, and you don’t need that much work.

4b. Dress codes that include certain colour palettes. I don’t want to have to buy a brand-new outfit.

4c. Weird dress etiquette that only impacts women, such as wearing hats or not wearing red. The only thing you shouldn’t really wear is white or, if specified, the same colour as the bridesmaids.

5. The huge wait between ‘I do’ and the first course. It’s not normal to wait until 5pm to eat lunch.

5a. Massive gaps between the ceremony and the sit-down meal. No one wants a four-hour drinks reception (no matter how well-hydrated you are).

5b. Stop dragging it out, please. At least give your guests something to eat while you’re having your endless Vogue-style just-married shoot done.

6. The paid bar – unless in certain circumstances, eg the majority of people haven’t travelled miles to get there. But one free drink when you’ve paid £100 to schlep to Bath and paid for a hotel is unacceptable.

7. Stop playing oomph-oomph party music at, like, 5pm. You’re surrounded by some of the oldest people in the world, who have travelled all the way from their comfy carpeted homes to sit on the edges of some wind-blustered marquee or a gaudily decorated hall, and they’re doing it all because they might die soon and they want a little taste of joy before they do. And you’re playing Fred Again? Grow up and put some Lionel Richie on. You’ll get your fun later.

8. No ring, no bring – the dreaded rule that requires couples to be married (or engaged) in order to attend together.

9. Splitting couples up into day guests and evening guests.

10. “The father of the bride speech,” says comedian Amy Annette. “Now, they can be beautiful. A rare moment in a man’s life when he’s encouraged to share his emotions. But, fathers are the ultimate wildcards. You might get a speech that chronicles previous (ie favoured) boyfriends, extended and confusing golf metaphors or jokes that make you wince. And why aren’t mothers encouraged to give speeches? I know it might seem counterintuitive to ask for more speeches at weddings, but some balance might be nice. However, am I simply inviting more chaos? All the opportunity to say the wrong thing, plus terrifying emotional intelligence? Maybe not.”

42 things that must be banned at weddings