Sex addiction – or compulsive sexual behaviour as it can be known – is a condition that is both mythologised and misunderstood. Though difficult to officially diagnose, it’s defined by relationship charity Relate as “any sexual behaviour that feels out of control. It’s not the behaviour itself that defines it as a compulsion but rather the dependency on it to numb out negative emotions and difficult experiences.” You don’t have to think about it 24/7 or engage in sex multiple times a day with various partners. Unlike drug or alcohol addiction, there are no physical symptoms of sex withdrawal; rather, it is considered an impulse control disorder characterised by a pattern of harmful behaviour that the individual is unable to stop. As Garza herself says: “I get asked a lot how I knew I had a sex addiction and I always say: ‘Because I didn’t know how else to relate to people.’ I thought all I had to offer was sex. I couldn’t be a friend to someone or know how to make conservation, but at least I could give a blowjob and I’d cling to that. I didn’t know there was another way of being around people.” Another aspect of sex addiction is a diminished pleasure response – continuing to crave or seek it even if you’re not enjoying it – while research from the University of Cambridge has shown that brain activity in sex addiction mirrors that of drug addiction.

The condition is more common than we might think. Last year, a study of over 82,000 people in 42 countries revealed that almost 5% of people may be at high risk of experiencing compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD) and researchers in this field also suggest that the rate of sex addiction may be increasing due to increased access to sexual material, pornography, hookup apps and sexual topics on the internet. In the UK, the figure stands at 4.69%, meaning just slightly less than one in 20 people border on sex addiction. Most who seek help are male, although studies have shown that 30% are female. However, women are much less likely to reach out for treatment. There are other gendered differences, too. “There is this idea that women can’t be addicted to sex, which I think comes from the idea that women aren’t sexual beings in the way that men are,” says Garza. Indeed, according to The Laurel Centre, a specialist organisation in Leamington Spa dedicated to sexual addiction therapy, female sex addiction is often referred to by the acronym FSLA (female sex and love addiction) and highlights a key contrast between men and women who seek help for sex addiction: men will often say that their prime motivator is sex, whereas women may say that it is love or feeling desired and validated.

As Dr Paula Hall, a sexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Laurel Centre, explains: “There’s a lot more shame for women. We accept a man being a bit of a player, a bit of a lad. But a woman’s going to get a lot more societal shunning. But in my experience, often what is at the root of sex addiction for women is a desire to be wanted and accepted.”

“I didn’t care who, when or where – I couldn’t say no”: the secret lives of women battling sex addiction