The hidden emotional and domestic labour taken on by women in heterosexual relationships has been widely reported. Not only do less than 7% of couples share housework equally, according to a 2019 study by UCL, but according to a Mind survey, men rely more on their partner for support compared to women (who reach out to family and friends). Men are also less likely to access therapy, comprising only 36% of referrals to NHS talking therapies 2019–2020. A 2021 report found that only one in five men had received emotional support from a friend that week compared to double that amount of women. Additionally, a study into the desired areas of change in a relationship found that women wanted greater increases in their partners’ emotional and companionate behaviours (whereas men wanted more sex).

There’s a cost: one study found that marriage adds an extra 1.7 years to a man’s life expectancy but knocks 1.4 years off a woman’s – this was thought to be due to the stress of leading dual roles in work and domestic life.

“I married a man I thought I could change – this is why the idea of ‘doer-upper’ relationships is so damaging”