As told to Vicky Chandler

“What are we even doing here? Let’s just turn back and go home.” These were the words I uttered to my husband as we pulled into the driveway of a couple we’d organised to meet up and ‘play with’. I was absolutely shitting myself. We’d been chatting to them in a WhatsApp group with the intention of having a foursome for about six weeks prior, and we’d planned to meet up for a no-pressure kind of thing. But then I saw them waving at us through the window and I just thought, well, we can’t cancel on them now. So, we went in, had a few drinks and immediately gelled. Next thing you know, the other girl and I went upstairs together to have some fun just the two of us, then the guys joined soon after.

This was eight years ago and my husband Gage and I have been exploring and enjoying the swinging lifestyle since. When someone finds out you’re into swinging, or you describe yourself as ethically non-monogamous (ENM), they automatically assume you’re unhappy or that you don’t feel sexually fulfilled in your relationship – but it’s just not the case. Gage and I have been together now for 15 years, married for 12, and we couldn’t be happier. In fact, we are incredibly sexually fulfilled as a couple, and have always enjoyed a fruitful sex life. But when we decided to explore swinging around four years into our marriage, it was more about the adventure and the excitement of exploring new fantasies and desires together than separately.

I’d say prior to being part of the lifestyle, we were more ‘dirty vanilla’ – in the sense that we enjoyed a kinkier sex life more than just straightforward sex – and would always talk openly about what we wanted in and out of the bedroom. It all really started when Gage asked me if I’d ever wanted to have sex with another woman, and I revealed that actually, prior to being with him, I had had sex with women. This came as a bit of a shock, as it’s not something we’d spoken about before, but then we both found it quite exciting… even talking about it spiced up our sex life. It started opening up conversations between us about how we wanted to explore this – whether we were going to do it together, or me separately, and I decided that actually if we were to do anything, I’d want to do it as a couple, because Gage is like my ‘wing man’ and my rock, and I don’t think I’d be able to explore it without him.