Ingham believes that more often than not, the problem is likely to be rooted in your past. “Often what we’re talking about isn’t a problem with your partner. It’s a problem with a much older part of your history that’s becoming projected into your current relationship,” says Ingham. “When people come to see me and they talk about retroactive jealousy, I take a life history so that I can understand something of the person’s early relationships, and how they learned about relationships.”

Looking back, Layla feels that some of her issues with retroactive jealousy have come from her previous relationship. “I was cheated on a lot by my ex-husband,” she explains. “I think that type of ‘other woman’ thing really affects me.”

If you’re struggling with feelings of retroactive jealousy, there are things you can do. Ingham advises trying to stop asking your partner questions about their past, avoiding looking at their ex on social media and working on creating a positive mindset that will allow you to stop yourself fixating on the problem. He also says speaking to someone impartial, such as a therapist, can be helpful so that you can get “a broader perspective on your own history”.

Both Layla and Chanel say that they’re doing much better these days. Chanel now tries to weigh up whether it’s worth actually mentioning her intrusive thoughts to her partner’s ex to him when they arise and uses things like ASMR videos to calm her mind. Both of them say that their partners have been supportive in helping them manage their feelings of retroactive jealousy, too.

For Layla, speaking to her therapist about the issue is what properly helped her to navigate these feelings. Nearly three years into their relationship, she now finally feels she is not so fixated on her boyfriend’s ex. “I wouldn’t say I’m 100% fine, because it’s not something that’s going to go away overnight. But the communication has definitely helped.”

*Names have been changed

Retroactive jealousy: meet the people obsessed by their partner’s exes