3. What are our shared goals – and how can we help each other achieve them?

Anna Goldfarb, author of Modern Friendship: How To Nurture Our Most Valued Connections and the Substack newsletter Friendship Explained, says pursuing a shared goal can be the “gas in the car” that helps a friendship move forward. The goal can be fun: if you and a friend both want to boost your fitness levels, can you join a hiking group together? If you want to read more, could you start a book club? Goldfarb points to research showing that we’re more likely to make progress on our goals when we tell our friends what we’re doing: “Accountability buddies are such a fantastic way to tap into friendship and get your goals met.”

Jha agrees that shared goals are crucial friendship fuel, “especially when you’re in different life stages”. Maybe your friend has just had a baby while you’re about to go travelling, or your careers have drawn you into totally different worlds. Against this backdrop, embarking on pursuing a goal together can help you “feel like you’re still on the same path and growing together”, Jha says. “Especially when it feels like everyone’s doing such different things, it can be really good to have a reminder that you do share values and you do share a future”.

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