Nothing compares to the early, heady days of a relationship – the flirty texts, the giddy butterflies, the late-night chats. But as wonderful as the first few months can be, they can also be stressful. In fact, there are several ways a promising relationship can go wrong early on.

In 2024, one of the most common killers of a young relationship is set to be PMI, also known as premature intimacy. Like TMI (the abbreviation for ‘too much information’), PMI involves sharing too much too fast. According to dating website Plenty of Fish, which surveyed 6,000 daters in the US, PMI has become one of the most common dating woes. 

We spoke to Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at So Synced, to find out why PMI has become so frequent and what we should be doing about it.

What is PMI?

PMI stands for premature intimacy.

“It refers to the act of engaging in intimate behaviour too soon in a new relationship,” says Alderson. 

While this is often oversharing personal information, it can also refer to physical intimacy.

As Alderson explains, it can include everything from “prematurely holding hands or making a move” to “sharing deeply personal information or talking about future plans before the connection has had time to develop”.

Why are so many people fast-tracking intimacy?

According to the Plenty of Fish survey, people are increasingly engaging in intimate behaviour prematurely. So why is it happening?

“Some people have a fear of rejection or abandonment and believe that by opening up quickly they can create a strong bond,” she says. “They may believe that by being vulnerable and sharing personal information in the early stages of dating, their date will see them as more desirable or trustworthy.”

Another reason might be that some people simply find that intimacy comes naturally to them.

“They may not realise that their level of disclosure is more than what is typical in the early stages of a relationship,” she says. “We all have different levels of openness and vulnerability, and some people are just more naturally inclined to share personal details.”

Some people may not even realise that they’re going too fast too soon.

According to Alderson: “Not everyone reads social cues effectively. This means that they might misinterpret the level of intimacy in the relationship or assume that their date is on the same level as them.”

Finally, PMI can come from a need for validation.

“When someone shares deeply personal information, they may be hoping to receive reassurance from their date,” she says. “This stems from a place of insecurity and a need for external validation.”

PMI has consequences

Although PMI may seem like a fairly harmless habit in relationships, it does have its consequences.

Overwhelming your date: “It might create a sense of pressure or discomfort, especially if the recipient isn’t ready for such depth of information,” she says.

Loss of intrigue: Share too much too soon and the relationship will lose its intrigue. According to Alderson: “A gradual unfolding of personal details can contribute to the anticipation and enjoyment of discovering more about each other over time.”

Misalignment of emotional intimacy: “This difference may lead to one person feeling more invested or emotionally connected than the other, which can cause issues in the relationship,” she says.

Potential for misinterpretation: In some cases, PMI can lead to misunderstandings and discomfort. “Without a solid foundation of trust and understanding, your date may not have the context to interpret the information accurately,” says Alderson.

Limited room for growth: Relationships should be allowed to develop naturally over time. Says Alderson: “Oversharing early on can leave little room for growth and discovery as a couple. This can hinder the development of a strong, lasting bond.”

Want a healthy dating life? Avoid PMI 

With PMI set to become one of the biggest dating trends of 2024, now is the time to make sure you don’t get into the habit – and that you know how to deal with it if it happens to you.

“Self-awareness is key to avoiding PMI and understanding your tendencies to overshare,” warns Alderson. “Before you share something personal, ask yourself if it’s appropriate for the stage of your relationship and if you’re sharing for the right reasons.”

Also, look for signs your new partner is comfortable. “If you notice them becoming uncomfortable or disinterested in what you’re sharing, it’s a sign to slow down with the personal details,” she says.

“If someone is oversharing or being prematurely intimate with you, it’s important to communicate your discomfort or lack of readiness for that level of intimacy,” she adds. “Be honest and direct but also understanding and empathetic. When done in the right way, it won’t damage your connection and might instead create a stronger bond based on open communication and respect for each other’s boundaries.”

Images: Getty