We all have secrets: secret fantasies, spending patterns, addictions, affairs, work problems, strange impulses, eating habits. We also have secret desires. Hidden longings. Whatever our culture and upbringing, we’re socialised to hide some of what we want. Sometimes we know we secretly want something, but some desires we keep hidden, even from our own awareness.

Think about your wants – the desires you show, and the desires you hide. Consider the last time you pretended to want something, or you said no when a part of you longed to say yes. Even the word ‘want’ can make us flinch, or tingle. We’re given mixed messages about when to be bashful and when to be bold, and we can feel conflicted about desires that clash with our self-image. We’re constantly negotiating the rules of desire, and we grow and change. Revealing desires can feel exposing and vulnerable; we might fail or feel shame for deviating from the committed path of responsibilities. Pride and anxiety can keep us from facing ourselves or communicating what we want. We can find ourselves feeling disconnected from our true selves, living life on the sidelines, not fully participating. The problem is that we remain hidden, waiting to be found. We play emotional hide-and-seek. But it’s awful when no one comes to find us.