Gym classes and jury duty: how women form friendships outside of work and school

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Relationships


Gym classes and jury duty: how women form friendships outside of work and school

By Édaein O'Connell

2 years ago

6 min read

Sitting in jury service or sweating in a spin class – friendships can be forged anywhere. 


As you get older, making new friends can be difficult. 

Naturally, life gets busier and priorities change. The opportunities to meet new acquaintances and sustain those meetings become few and far between. Some people are lucky and carry friends from school and college into adulthood. Then there are those who generate real connections with their workmates and bring these with them into the real world. 

However, even with those relationships, expanding a friendship circle can be laborious, especially as we move through our late 20s and into our 30s and beyond. Thankfully, there are ways around it, both online and in the real world. 

Online, Bumble has announced the launch of Bumble For Friends, a standalone app for finding new friends. The app creates a way for people to grow their friendship circles by discovering meaningful and fun links in their local area, It’s separate from the Bumble dating app and follows the successful BFF mode that has been available within the Bumble app since 2016. 

Research released to coincide with the launch of the app shows that platonic relationships are growing in importance for younger generations. Almost half (47%) of 18-24-year-olds in the UK believe that friendships are now more important than romantic relationships, which is why platforms such as Bumble are utilising our need and want for mates. 

And in terms of finding true lasting friendships, apps appear to be a successful space to do so. Katie Wilson, 38, is the editor of The Boutique Handbook and met two of her closest friends through the Bumble BFF feature. She notes that using such apps is especially useful when moving to a new area. 

“What’s funny is that I never managed to get a date from the app,” she says. “But I did meet two amazing women who are a big part of my life. With both friends, I had just moved to a new part of London and didn’t know anyone.

“I first met Lauren when we both lived in Dalston five years ago, and we’re still friends to this day, even though she now lives in west London with her boyfriend. Then two years ago I moved to Hackney and used Bumble BFF to meet Anna, now one of my besties who I’ve loads of other new friends through. As a freelancer, I don’t get the opportunity to meet people through work, so it has been such a benefit to me.”

Offline connections 

Despite these wins on the app, being online isn’t the only way women have been forming beautiful friendships. Opportunities can present themselves anywhere, but first, you have to put yourself out there. So, where exactly are people meeting others? Well, the gym and exercise classes are a good place to start.

Ella Chapman, 35, is the founder of Storytelling Group and moved to a village in South Cambridge two and a half years ago with her husband. Neither of them knew anyone locally, so Chapman decided to take matters into her own hands. 

“I joined a local wellbeing and fitness studio that’s aimed at women,” she tells Stylist. “In my first class, I met the founder, Jess (also in her early 30s), and we have since become firm friends who see each other socially as well as at the studio.

“The space attracts women of all ages and fitness levels. It’s as much about community as it is about looking after your health. It’s a hugely encouraging and supportive space and I’ve met some wonderful friends there who were new to the village.

“I’ve definitely found gym classes and exercise groups to be the way to make friends. I lived in Sydney before we moved to this village and I met friends through a women’s outdoor boot camp there.”

When it came to progressing the friendships outside of the classes, Chapman kept it simple. “I asked for people’s numbers to meet for coffee or a walk outside of the studio,” she explains. “And then we organised some social stuff as a group –  for example, a charity walk and Christmas drinks where it was more natural.”

For Sophie Heilbron, 30, from London, team sports helped her to forge connections based on similar interests. The PR executive is a keen netball player and says her love of the game has brought some incredible women into her life. 

“Through the social netball leagues in London over the past few years I have met the most amazing friends,” she explains. “I was a bridesmaid for one of the girls at her wedding last year, and I went on a two-week trip to Turkey with another. They all came to celebrate my 30th birthday last year. Our netball coach came too.

“I definitely recommend joining a sports league or something local. It’s good fun and a different form of exercise from just a solo gym session. I also play rounders and have made great friends through that. Your ability doesn’t really matter as there are a bunch of beginner leagues. In my situation, it helped that there was a big WhatsApp group with the team, which allows you to get to know people and organise events outside of the game – so I would advise anyone in a similar situation to do the same.”

Age doesn’t matter

In the world of new female friendships, it seems age is nothing but a number. Rae Radford, 61, from Broadstairs, Kent, met one of her closest friends, Verity, at a spin class. Although there is a 20-year age gap between the pair, it doesn’t matter because an unbreakable bond was formed. 

“We were chatting after a class and continued talking afterwards and it progressed from there,” Radford explains. “The age gap makes no difference. Verity is a courageous woman and a marvellous mother whom I love and admire deeply. You will meet a lot of acquaintances in life but few ‘friends’, so when you do find a special bond, move heaven and earth for each other.”

And exercise classes aren’t the only arena where friendships are forged. Connections can be forged in the most unlikely of places. Shona Abhyankar, 51, is associate director at Ed PR and met one of her greatest friends while on jury duty. 

“It was a horrendously long stint in a six-month mortgage fraud case,” she recalls. “Luckily we were partnered up and have ended up being great mates ever since. We even saw each other on holiday one year. We clicked and kept each other going during some really tough times – she used to cover for me when I wanted to suck on a sweet as we weren’t allowed food, so she’d cough as I was unwrapping a Werther’s Original.

“It’s great because we both live in London and our daughters have the same birthday. Looking back, I don’t know how I would have got through that period  without her.”

As with romantic relations, making the first move is always the hardest part, but once you do, friendships can blossom. To make the journey easier, mental health expert Noel McDermott has some sage advice. 

“The best way is to be upfront about what you want,” he advises. “Choose activities you like or have always wanted to learn – you’re then more likely to find folk with similar interests. It’s that similarity that makes for good relationships, so look for people who share your values.”

McDermott also urges others to go beyond their comfort zones. This means you will find friends from a myriad of different backgrounds, which, in turn, will lead to a truly fulfilling and interesting social circle and social life.

“It’s healthy for us to have diverse groups around us,” he says. “It’s healthy psychologically and also healthy physically. So, look for friends from different backgrounds with different life experiences.”

And if all else fails in your search for friendship, try your hand at jury duty. 

Images: Getty

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