How to talk to your partner about interior design

Couple talking about interior design

Credit: Getty Images

Relationships


How to talk to your partner about interior design

By Meg Walters

2 years ago

4 min read

Interior design can be a sensitive subject in relationships — here’s how to talk about it.


When I moved in with my partner, we clashed. Not over who did which chores or our annoying habits, but over design. He likes modern minimalism with a touch of flashy tech. I, on the other hand, have a soft spot for girly artwork and fluffy cushions. Put simply, my very basic blue Matisse print did not go well with his expensive speakers.

My little problem is, of course, a fairly common one. We all have our own personal design style. Maybe you’re all about minimalism and clean lines. Or maybe, you’re a fan of the maximalism trend and stuff your home full of knick-knacks and curiosities. Whatever your style might be, it’s not uncommon for your partner’s tastes to be a little different. 

We spoke to a couple of relationship experts to find out how to talk to your partner about interior design.

Interior design can be a tricky subject for couples

“Couples often clash on interior design as it can be a tricky subject,” Dr Becky Spelman, counselling psychologist and founder of Private Therapy Clinic, tells us. “Interior design is a very personal and subjective matter, and our tastes are influenced by our upbringing, interests and personal preferences.”

In other words, there’s no right or wrong when it comes to interior design — even if we might think there is. There’s a famous scene in Nora Ephron’s When Harry Met Sally where Carrie Fisher’s Marie bickers with her new husband over a wagon wheel coffee table. “It’s so awful there’s no way to even begin to explain what’s so awful about it,” she says, concluding: “Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humour but they couldn’t possibly all have good taste.”

Because people tend to feel strongly that their taste is the right taste, arguments about interior design can quickly become heated and can often feel deeply personal. “When couples disagree on interior design, it can lead to sensitive discussions that may cause conflicts,” Spelman says.

Jessica Alderson, a relationship expert at So Synced, adds: “If you’ve grown up in a home that was very traditional and your partner comes from a family that has more modern decor, you may be looking at two completely different styles. Depending on how attached someone is to the home they grew up in, they can see an opposing interior opinion as a challenge to their values or family traditions.”

“On top of that, money is often a factor when it comes to interior design,” she adds. “Finances can be a sensitive topic because, again, they are highly personal. This can further complicate the conversation around interior design and lead to disagreements.”

Unfortunately, it’s unlikely that any of us, even Carrie Fisher, could ever manage to change someone’s design taste. And so, the only option is communication and compromise. “Both partners should be willing to listen to each other’s opinions and try to understand where the other person is coming from,” says Spelman. “One way to make the discussion easier is to identify the areas where you both agree and build from there.”

Compromise, compromise, compromise

Spelman offers a few tips on how to have successful, effective conversations about interior design with your partner.

1. Start by identifying your common goals and priorities for the space. 

This way, you’ll be starting on common ground. “If you both want a comfortable and cosy living room, you can work towards finding a design that achieves that goal,” she says. 

2. Consider each other’s needs and preferences.

Communicate what you need and what you want. This way, you can both identify areas where you are able to make some concessions. “If one partner prefers a minimalist design and the other prefers a more traditional design, you can look for ways to incorporate elements of both styles into the design,” she says.

3. Be willing to make compromises. 

“You may need to give up some of your preferences to find a design that works for both of you,” Spelman says. Be willing to sacrifice.

4. Take your time and don’t rush the decision-making process. 

Remember, there’s no rush. You can have slow, thoughtful discussions to really weigh up all of your options. “It’s better to take the time to find a design that you both love rather than rushing into a decision that you may regret later,” says Spelman.

If all else fails, it may be worth seeking outside help. “If you find yourself stuck, you could also consider getting a third opinion from a neutral party, such as an interior designer,” suggests Alderson. “At the end of the day, the goal is the same — to create a beautiful, comfortable home that you’ll both enjoy spending quality time in as a couple.”

With true compromise and plenty of calm communication, it is possible to find design solutions that suit both of you. After all, that’s what romantic relationships are all about. And if you’re willing to give up some of your treasures, your partner can give up their awful wagon wheel coffee table, too.

Images: Getty

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