“For almost every golden child in a family, there’s a black sheep. These are the children who either don’t fit in or have brought a lot of shame to the family. There’s a lot of envy and jealousy that plays out between the golden child and the black sheep. Sometimes, the golden child can be envious of the black sheep because they’ve been allowed to be bad.

“One of the questions I always ask the families of black sheep is: who in the family is this child most like? There’ll always be a story about this person being like an uncle who had a drug problem or somebody who ran away. Very often, there’s a shameful story attached to this black sheep and, when they get stuck in this pattern because they remind the family of this person, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: the black sheep ends up carrying the shame of a whole family.

“The first step with black sheep is to help them be comfortable with their lack of convention, but also for them to see the effect that their behaviour has on other members of the family. What are the relationships that they do want to preserve? How can they make amends for anything they may regret doing, and how can they get back to being on good terms with these family members? How can they build their own unconventional life while retaining their family relationships?”

Signs you’re the black sheep:

You feel like the odd one out in your family
You sometimes feel scapegoated by your family or that shame from other family members is projected onto you
You’ve made decisions that have made your family unhappy or gone against their expectations of you in some way

Everyone has a family role: from the black sheep to the peacekeeper, this is how yours affects your relationships