Let’s face facts; social media and parenting have never been happy bedfellows. For starters, we’re worried about the impact it’ll have on our children. We’re irritated, too, by the swathe of influencers with picture-perfect homes and effortlessly good hair making everything from scratch, whether that’s pasta sauces, World Book Day costumes, bath bombs or play-dough. And we’re constantly reassessing how much of our kids’ lives we should share online.

The one place you’d expect social media to work in our favour, then, is providing us with all the brilliant parenting tips and advice we could possibly need to raise our kids like pros. There are, after all, countless experts to be found on there, each professing to be the font of all knowledge on their individual topics. To paraphrase Carrie Fisher’s character in When Harry Met Sally, everyone thinks they’ve got the ultimate parenting technique and a sense of humour, but they couldn’t possibly all have the ultimate parenting technique. Especially as they all seem to be completely at odds with one another.

“Navigating the sea of parenting advice online can feel overwhelming,” says Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari, an author, psychologist and certified therapist. “A good starting point is to differentiate between true experts – those who have studied parenting extensively in accredited institutions – and influencers who share personal experiences or have taken brief courses to position themselves as ‘experts’.”

She continues: “Once you’ve identified credible voices, focus on finding someone whose values align with your own. For instance, if you’re a career-driven parent, following someone who advocates exclusively for stay-at-home parenting and co-sleeping might not resonate. At the same time, if you value conscious parenting, advice like ‘let the baby cry it out’ may not sit well with you.

“The key is finding guidance that supports both your parenting goals and your child’s needs. Ultimately, you know your family best – trust that instinct.”

Empowerment coach Grace McMahon agrees, adding: “The noise around parenting techniques, styles and advice will be loud, especially for new parents trying to figure out their new identity and raise a tiny human. It can be useful to follow different accounts offering different ideas, but I’d recommend unfollowing accounts that add pressure to your parenting journey.”

It might not sound like the worst problem to have at first; after all, lots of expert advice – even when it’s conflicting – can provide us with different ways to deal with a problem. This writer is here to attest, though, that too much advice can be paralysing.

Worse still? It can leave you feeling utterly unsure about your own instincts and abilities. Just a few weeks ago, for example, I sought advice on how to cut a baby’s razor sharp fingernails without causing any distress, and my health visitor suggested I wait until she fell asleep to ensure a moment of stillness. It worked a treat! When I logged into Instagram later that day, though, a suspiciously relevant video popped up – all about the importance of keeping a baby awake when trimming their nails for the purposes of consent.

“The idea of ‘non-consensual nail cutting’ is an illustration of how social media can spread extreme, even ridiculous ideas,” says Dr Ben-Ari when I bring this up as an example. “Parenting is challenging enough without the weight of unhelpful or unscientific advice, and there needs to be better monitoring of such content to protect parents.”

McMahon suggests, in instances like this, you should “try to give yourself the grace you’d give a friend in your position”.

“There will always be someone somewhere who disagrees with what you’re doing or thinks you should be doing it differently. Only you’ll know what feels right and what is working, so try to focus on what aligns with your values (and those might change throughout your journey).”

With all of this in mind, then, is it harder for parents in the age of social media to find the advice they need – or is it easier?

“Social media is like a tool – a hammer, for example. You can use it to build something beautiful or you can accidentally cause damage. The outcome depends on how you choose to use it,” says Dr Ben-Ari.

“If you follow accounts that shame you, promote unrealistic ideals or feed self-doubt, it can harm your confidence and wellbeing. On the other hand, social media can be an incredible resource if you use it to learn, connect and explore new perspectives.”

With all of this in mind, then, here are a few things to consider when you next feel the urge to turn to social media for parenting advice…

1. Work out your own core values

Both Dr Ben-Ari and McMahon are in agreement: it’s vital you take the time to figure out the core values you want to uphold when it comes to parenting before you seek advice online.

“Switching parenting styles frequently can be confusing for both you and your child, and sometimes it can even exacerbate existing challenges. Instead, start by reflecting on your core values as a parent. What is most important to you? What does your child truly need to feel safe, connected, loved and supported?” says Dr Ben-Ari.

“Remember, we often bring our own childhood experiences – both strengths and wounds – into our parenting. Without realising it, we might replicate certain patterns or overcorrect by doing the opposite.

“The solution is conscious parenting – a journey of awareness and growth as a parent. When we parent from a place of awareness and alignment with our values, we gain clarity – even during challenges – that we are on the right path. Seeking guidance from a therapist or expert who understands your values and child development psychology can be invaluable. And sometimes, as in your example, we simply need to trust our common sense over social media trends.”

McMahon adds: “The only style or theory I would really suggest sticking to would be to keep trying your best, help your children feel loved and nurtured in ways that work for you, even when it feels tough. Try not to compare your circumstances, values and styles to anyone else – you can find good ideas, adapt them to your needs and do things differently to what might seem like the ‘best’ way.”

2. Embrace the guilt

Sometimes, you may stumble across a parenting technique that forces you to reassess what you’ve been doing so far – and, yes, that may cause you to feel some guilt. This isn’t necessarily a bad or unhealthy state to be in if you allow yourself to learn from this.

“A little guilt can sometimes be useful – it signals when something feels off and invites reflection. Instead of bypassing guilt or drowning in it, ask yourself: What doesn’t feel right? What is out of balance or harmony right now? What can I do or change to improve this situation? What skill is my child in the process of developing and learning? What is the lesson and growth here for me as a parent? How can I connect with my child in a way that feels connected and meaningful?” suggests Dr Ben-Ari.

“By using guilt as a tool for self-awareness, you can make intentional changes that align with your values.”

3. Treat yourself with compassion

Taking the time to find the lessons in your guilt is all well and good, but it’s just as important to treat yourself with love and compassion, too.

“Practise affirmations that make you feel positive and confident in your capabilities, such as ‘I am doing my best; my children are happy, healthy and loved’, ‘Everyone makes mistakes; I am allowed to get things wrong’, ‘I know what’s best for my children and will always be there to support them’,” says McMahon. 

“Make the affirmations work for you and practise them, even if they feel cringey at first!”

4. Be prepared to put the work in

Social media is full of pithy one-liners and easily digestible information, which means, yes, sometimes things can become oversimplified.

“Some challenges in parenting have no quick fixes or one-size-fits-all solutions. Every child is unique, and what works for one may create stress for another. It’s important to follow voices that understand this complexity and approach parenting with empathy, acknowledging that each child’s needs are different,” warns Dr Ben-Ari.

“For a comprehensive guide on navigating parenting in today’s busy world, I recommend reading my book Small Steps To Great Parenting: The Essential Guide For Busy Families. It’s designed to help you build strong, connected relationships with your children without feeling overwhelmed.”

5. Factor in screen breaks

It’s an oldie but a goodie: schedule in time away from social media.

“It can be hard at times, but if it’s not right in front of you, you’ll find it much easier to be present and focus on what’s going on rather than what someone else thinks you should be doing,” says McMahon.

6. Surround yourself with good people

“Parenting doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Surround yourself with a supportive community – whether it’s other parents, close friends or parenting groups – who can help you navigate challenges and remind you that there’s no one-size-fits-all solution,” says Dr Ben-Ari.

“Sharing experiences and listening to others’ perspectives can alleviate guilt and provide reassurance that you’re not alone. Confidence in your parenting style grows when you feel supported and validated by those who understand the ups and downs of raising children.”

McMahon adds that you should never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. “There are reliable experts and support services available, so do your research, and speak to people you know and trust.”

Social media doesn’t have to be the big bad wolf it often appears to be, but it should absolutely be used with caution when it comes to sussing out your parenting style – particularly as this should always be evolving and changing.

“It isn’t a one-time discovery; it’s a continuous process. As your child grows and enters new developmental stages, your approach will need to adapt,” says Dr Ben-Ari.

“The key is to stay flexible while staying true to your values. Parenting is not about perfection but about connection and growth – for both you and your child.”

Images: Getty