A couple of years ago, I came to the conclusion that I’m an ‘extroverted introvert’. I love spending time with friends and colleagues and tend to be pretty loud in social situations, but I also need alone time to relax and recharge before I take on the world again. How much ‘social’ time I’m able to tolerate depends on a number of factors, including what’s going on with my mental health and how I’m feeling emotionally. But for the most part, I know how to strike that balance.

Recently, however, I’ve noticed that things weren’t as simple as I thought. I still need to recharge when I’ve done a lot of socialising, but I don’t always have to do that alone. In fact, there are a handful of people who I can spend time with without experiencing any drain at all – one of my closest friends often pops around to have dinner, and I don’t feel like I need to get ‘ready’ to see her or be my most energetic self to enjoy our time together.

I’ve also noticed there are some people who made me feel more tired than others, although not in a bad way – almost as if I needed to expend more energy to match theirs.  

So, why is it that some friends tire us out, while others are just ‘there’? According to author and chartered psychologist Dr Meg Arroll, it’s all to do with something known as our ‘social batteries’. 

If you happen to spend time on TikTok, then you might already be familiar with this term. The platform is home to hundreds of videos about the concept – from people exploring how it feels when their social battery runs out to celebrating those friends who don’t deplete your social battery at all.

“We all have an individual and unique social battery that is drained or restored by certain interactions and situations,” Dr Arroll explains. “The reasons why some people drain our batteries more than others is to do with a combination of factors, including your personality, the other person’s personality, your attachment style and how stressed you’re feeling.”

In this way, Dr Arroll explains, the amount of energy you have to socialise is determined by much more than just introversion or extroversion – it relies on a huge number of things. And while the online discussion surrounding social batteries tends to be quite lighthearted, your relationship with your social battery can have implications for your wellbeing. 

“For some people – let’s take the highly sensitive person (HSP) – social interaction in general can prove demanding as they are much more attuned to others’ moods and environmental stimuli, while someone else might require a great deal of social and environmental input to experience the world optimally,” Dr Arroll explains. “The key is developing self-knowledge and awareness so that you can tailor your interactions to your innate needs.”

What Dr Arroll is saying makes sense when you consider all the different ways that introversion and extroversion can materialise. Two people who identify as introverts will have different needs when it comes to socialising, but that doesn’t mean they’re not introverted – all that label really means is that being in social situations tends to drain their energy, rather than boost it. 

Our needs are much more complicated than two labels – and as such, getting to know your unique social battery, and understanding what you need to recharge, is particularly important. 

“Because we don’t always have control over our daily social interactions, knowing how to restore your social battery is very important – this is often in the form of solitary time, connecting with nature or being with those that refresh your energy, among other measures,” Dr Arroll says. 

“By dedicating some time and effort to increasing self-knowledge of your personal social battery, you will boost its efficiency and be better able to flourish in the social world.”

While having labels such as ‘introvert’ or ‘extrovert’ can be comforting, it’s clear that reality is much more complicated. Humans are complex creatures – and as frustrating as that can be to admit, it gives us the chance to get to know ourselves better than ever.  

Images: Getty