Perhaps it’s the countless Sex And The City and Friends marathons, but from a young age, I’ve been conditioned to believe that friendship is the currency of a good life.

During the pandemic, however, keeping up with our friends became a near-impossible pursuit. Lockdown meant friends were off-limits apart from in the small square of a Zoom call, and for people like me, the eternally ‘insecure friend’, this lack of contact has opened up a new world of loneliness and fuelled our friendship anxiety.

Over the pandemic, friendships slipped through our fingers more than ever. Towards the end of 2020, a quarter of people reported feelings of loneliness, according to the Mental Health Foundation, with women in particular being more affected than men. A British Red Cross report found 41% of UK adults still feel lonelier since lockdown and younger people are at greater risk of loneliness.

In an effort to try and cure my post-lockdown need for companionship, I decided to try a novel method of making new friends: ‘speed friending’.

We’re all likely familiar with the concept of speed dating. Speed friending is its more innocent cousin; rapid-fire bonding sessions where the goal is a platonic relationship rather than romantic. 

Virtual speed-friending sessions have been taking place online over the pandemic and now a number of in-person events have also started to pop up around the country.

For people trying to expand their circles, could speed friending be the shortcut to new companionship? I decided to sign up and find out. 

As my first event loomed, I felt uncharacteristically nervous. The idea of serving myself up to a mass of strangers holding up a metaphorical ‘please be my friend’ sign sounded less than appealing.

After searching Meetup – a platform designed for people to create communities and arrange social events – I was ready for my first session run by a group called (worryingly, perhaps) Deeper Conversations.

For this event (hosted virtually on Zoom) the concept was simple enough: you’re sorted into a one-to-one breakout room with a stranger for 10 minutes to talk. When time runs out you are unceremoniously ejected and thrown into another room with someone else. In classic speed-dating fashion, you fill out a form after the event with the names of people you liked to see if you have any viable matches.

As I sat at my desk waiting for it to start, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with worst-case scenarios. Would I have to endure countless conversations with weird hermits? But I had no time to back out as the Zoom sprang to life and I was thrown into my first chat.

I met many fascinating friend-seekers: an architect who talked about the niche sport of Box Chess, a man who moved from Canada to Switzerland to England all in the pursuit of love.

There was a huge range of people to talk to, but the sheer variety of hobbies, careers and personalities meant it was hard to find a genuine bond built from mutual interests.

One of the most interesting people I met was Sophie, 28, from Newcastle. She saw the group as an easy way of interacting with people on a short-term basis, rather than aiming for a lifelong friendship.

“I’m all about quality, not quantity,” she told me. “I have to really vibe with someone to feel like I want them to be my friend.”

Over the two hours, I surprised myself with my confidence and ability to lead a conversation. Sadly, I couldn’t think of anyone I wanted to meet again. Perhaps in the same way Sophie emphasised quality over quantity, I found myself discovering that maybe value was more important than variety when it comes to friendship.

Spurred on by a wave of adrenaline and self-assurance, I eagerly anticipated the next event.

My next session, run by the meet-up group Find A Friend – Virtual Speed Friending, strayed away from the usual speed-socialising formula. Instead of one-to-one sessions, we were sorted into group breakout rooms on Zoom with different conversational topics.

Free to move around the chats as we pleased, it felt a bit like trying to find the best room at a house party. This method, while less intense than being trapped with one other person, didn’t allow for natural conversations. Even when you met someone you genuinely wanted to talk to, it wasn’t easy to get them alone.

A common trend weaving through both events was that everyone seemed to appreciate how much it allowed them to interact with other people during such a strange time.

At one point, I spoke to Adam* from Essex and we discussed the value of the experience. “I think a lot of people are looking for human interaction because we’ve been confined for so long,” he said. “I wanted to see what the experience was like. It’s unusual to be in this scenario. I think it’s important to put yourself outside of your comfort zone.” 

My last session was an in-person event for women aged between 20 and 45 run by Female Friends – London, which was a more casual meet up over dinner in Chinatown.

The idea of a real-life event was nerve-wracking, but when I arrived the five other ladies were friendly and welcoming. The intimate setting allowed for proper conversation and it felt more genuine than the Zoom onslaught. 

The group founder, Ethel, 32, said she’d noticed an increase in the popularity of friend meet-ups following lockdown. “A lot of people joined the group at the end of the first lockdown in 2020,” she told me. “At the time people saw the value of friendships, especially in the physical proximity of your geographical area. Also, the variety of women who join is amazing.”

I didn’t end the evening with a desire to pursue a long-lasting friendship with anyone there, but it still provided a sense of camaraderie.  

At the end of the whole experiment, I didn’t feel like I’d met my future best friend, but my newfound confidence from these events is a skill I can use to develop new friendships in the future, however they come about.

Already I’ve begun to look into more interest-led activities and groups that can hopefully lead me to some like-minded people.

It seems unlikely that forcing a group of people together in a room with no common interests or shared experiences will result in a ride-or-die friendship. Perhaps the best friendships come to us unexpectedly.

But, despite the fact that interaction with friends may have dissipated over the pandemic, it’s worth remembering that a few excellent, love-of-your-life friends are more valuable than a hundred. 

Images: Getty