By unpacking the complexities of friendships and seeking a deeper understanding of our roles within them, we develop stronger emotional intelligence and resilience, which ultimately enhances our overall wellbeing.

However, there is an aspect of complaining about our friends that we need to be mindful of. Sturmer warns: “If we are too busy analysing and intellectualising our friendships, it can make us less present and grounded.” To me, complaining about friends can be a natural way to vent, but from experience, I know it’s important to set boundaries to avoid veering into bitchiness or being hurtful.

“Sometimes venting can become an emotional download or involve dumping on someone else,” adds Dr McClymont. “This can start to damage that relationship. For example if you are always going in to work and moaning to your colleague, they may feel they can’t tell you to stop or that they are finding this overwhelming as they have to respect your role as a colleague.

“Be careful not to be the person who sucks the air out of a conversation by using an excuse to complain, when in reality you should be sharing these frustrations with the friend concerned.”

One part of that is being really careful about what I post online, even if social media can feel like the ideal place to critique and analyse these relationships. As Sturmer points out: “These platforms record our friendship interactions for posterity like never before.” With a constant digital record of photos, videos and messages, these interactions become subject to intense scrutiny through likes, comments and shares. Sturmer explains: “This can lead us to over-analyse what friends say and do, focusing on patterns, behaviours and how we’re being treated.”

Dr McClymont suggests that you should never use social media – even in a roundabout way – to complain about your friends. “It creates confusion and resentment when you post not so subtle comments on social media. You are essentially taking a private relationship and broadcasting it for others’ views. This will never end well.”

It’s important to let out resentments in some way, though. When I find myself faced with difficult friends, what helps me is having a diverse support network, and I’m lucky to have always had one through my upbringing as a British Ghanaian person. Ghanaian communities are known for our strong sense of communal responsibility. During a wedding or a funeral, the wider community will contribute financially and attend the events to show their support, irrespective of how well they know the family.

When I’ve gone through a tough time, whether it’s a breakup, needing career advice or suffering with my mental health, I’ve turned to my parents and their extensive network of close friends of their age, not mine, who are actively involved in my life. I’ve noticed in my British friends and acquaintances, though, that their support networks tend to be more focused on immediate family and close friends. It’s no wonder that increased urbanisation, technology and demanding work schedules are getting in the way of British people maintaining those tight-knit connections, leading to rising loneliness rates.

Dr McClymont says: “Sometimes it’s a good thing to let certain small irritations go; for example, maybe you are sharing a living space with someone and in order to maintain harmony you need to not sweat the small stuff.”

She adds: “You need to prioritise the health of the overall relationship rather than vent about that one thing they did this morning.” If the behaviour becomes a systemic problem and a threat to the relationship, it’s a good idea to evaluate if the friendship is worth saving or if you’d be happier without them.” However, if there’s something salvageable, front up to them. Dr McClymont recommends applying the THINK acronym. “Is it True? Is it Helpful? Is it Inspiring (of change)? Is it Kind? (This kindness might be to yourself.) If you can answer yes to these questions, it’s worth saying something.”

So the good news for all of us is that there are many ways to deal with difficult friends. The rise in people being able to discuss and even complain about their friendships in more ways than ever shows how much we’re valuing these relationships in all their complexities. And it means we’re getting a far deeper understanding of the importance of friendships. Complaining about our friends might, on the face of it, seem like a problem, but to me, the act highlights our willingness and ability to address and navigate the challenges within these connections, acknowledging that they are as significant as any other relationship in our lives.

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Why complaining about your friends can improve your relationships with them