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Family and Friends
“I only existed when she needed comforting”: the problematic rise of the ‘charging station’ friend
3 years ago
2 min read
Ever had a friend who forgets about you when their life is going well? It’s more common (and toxic) than you might think, writes Jackie Adedeji.
“She knew Miranda was behind her.”
I think about this powerful line from Sex And The City a lot when I think about friendships, particularly a 15-year friendship of mine that recently came to an end.
In the scene, Miranda learns she’s pregnant and struggles to decide whether she’ll keep it or not, which upsets Charlotte because she is trying for a baby herself. Charlotte decides she wants to walk home alone, but Miranda ignores her and walks behind her the entire way. It’s a silent but meaningful gesture – she has her back and she doesn’t even need to say it.
In my relationship with my ex-best friend Amber*, I was the Miranda. I was always behind her, ready to catch her when she fell. Until I realised she was never going to catch me. I had become the ‘charging station friend’ in our dynamic.
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