A few years ago, a friendship I’d had since primary school ended. We didn’t have a huge falling out, nor did one of us ‘dump’ the other, we just… drifted apart. As our lives took different paths, we found we had less and less in common, and one day, the friendship just didn’t make sense anymore.

Despite our history, I was happy to call time on the friendship, and I assumed she was, too. There was no conversation to make it official; we simply stopped texting each other. Neither of us even had to ghost the other. It was all very grown up.

And yet, I still found myself mourning the friendship, just as one might a romantic breakup or if one of us had cruelly ‘dumped’ the other. There was no resentment, but the idea that someone no longer wanted me in their life (even though the feeling seemed mutual) was still a hard pill to swallow.

“Losing a close friendship can hurt just as deeply as a romantic breakup, if not more in some cases,” explains Charlotte Fox Weber, psychotherapist and author of What We Want. “Friendships often hold a quiet, steady intimacy – the person you turn to when life feels overwhelming, who knows the unpolished, real version of you. And there’s the shared humour and associations that thread moments of time in our life stories. When that’s gone, it can feel like losing a piece of yourself, and the grief can be intense or even surprising.

“Even if the friendship wasn’t good anymore or ended mutually, grief isn’t always logical. You grieve the loss of potential, the vague visions of growing old together and remaining connected. You’re not just mourning the present reality of the friendship; you’re grieving what it once was – the laughter, the shared experiences, the dreams you built together and the promise of what life might become. Even if fading out a friendship was the right decision, there’s often a bittersweet ache in letting go of something that once mattered deeply.”

I’m certainly not alone in this feeling. Fox Weber says she’s had clients “expressing feelings of heartbreak and confusion” after a friendship ending.

Drifting friendships deserve to be grieved – here’s why