From soppy festive films to cosy evenings spent by the tree, Christmas is a time of year that feels geared towards being loved up. Of course, this isn’t the case for everyone, which makes it even more awkward when you have to endure the ’how’s your dating life going’ questions over turkey and stuffing from your well-meaning family. It’s also a tricky time for anyone whose relationship has hit a bit of a rocky patch, because admitting that you’re falling out of love isn’t exactly in the holiday spirit, is it?

If you’ve ever put on a brave face among family and friends, concealing the cracks while enjoying winter festivities and maintaining a façade of harmony all while overlooking unresolved problems in the relationship, you’re not alone. In fact, you may have been ‘tinselling’ without even realising it.

Coined by Tina Wilson, dating expert and founder of matchmaking app Wingman, the name draws inspiration from the shiny, cheerful veneer of tinsel covering what lurks beneath. “Couples tend to tinsel their relationship during the holiday season because societal and family pressures to feel a sense of unity, love and happiness at this time of the year overrides their true feelings,” she explains.

Tinselling a relationship helps you to (temporarily) avoid any uncomfortable conversations with your friends and family until a better moment in time – often January, which is associated with fresh starts. “Christmas papering over those cracks and sticking a bow on for show is a quick fix for some couples to get through the festive season until they feel like they can take proper action,” she adds.

While tinselling might appear to be a short-term fix to give a couple respite, the underlying issues or problems in the relationship persist and must ultimately be dealt with. While it feels convenient in the moment, Wilson warns that it may make the situation much more complex later on.

“Delaying the conversation may cause more hurt than if you had addressed things sooner,” she says. “Not communicating openly about your feelings can spark arguments that can lead to resentment and break down the trust between the two of you.” What’s more, you’re also depriving the relationship of the chance to resolve any issues that might work their way out through communication.

How to spot tinselling in action

If you’re concerned you might be on the receiving end of tinselling, look for a refusal to address arguments head-on, Wilson says. “One key indicator of tinselling is persistent avoidance of open communication about issues, leading to unresolved tension,” she explains. “If you or your partner consistently dismiss or ignore each other’s concerns, it may indicate a reluctance to confront deeper issues.

“If you’re also struggling with emotional intimacy, neglecting each other by being too easily distracted by other things or notice a significant decrease in the quality of time you spend together, then these are warning signs you could be in tinselling territory,” she says.

Ultimately, Wilson says, honest and open communication is crucial to the survival of any relationship, but particularly during stressful periods.

“Christmas can be a tricky time for lots of people so reach out to your friends and family to discuss your concerns,” she adds. And remember: you don’t have to pretend everything is OK if it’s not.

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