If you had to pick one word to describe the current dating landscape, what would it be? Exciting? Complicated? Frustrating, perhaps? Even if you’re ‘on the apps’, it can often feel hard to meet anyone, not least someone you have a real connection with.

And it’s no wonder, really. Between the very real affliction of dating app fatigue and increasingly worrying trends like summer shading and ‘ghostlighting’, we’ve never been so familiar with all the things that could go wrong before a date even materialises IRL. It’s understandable that we’re cautious, too; after all, stashing and love-bombing are behaviours that are far from enjoyable to experience. But what about an unfortunate trend that combines all three?

Enter: mosting. It’s easiest to think of it as an unpleasant form of ghosting, where a prospective partner lays the flattery on thick, more or less convincing you that you’re The One, only to cut off all communication without warning. Just like with ghosting, you’re left totally blindsided but also wondering, “Why put in all that effort for something that was going nowhere?”

“Mosting has been happening for all of time; but that doesn’t make it less frustrating or hurtful,” explains Laura Cannon, founder and head matchmaker at ‘slow dating club’ Twelve Stories. “It can happen for a ton of different reasons, and absolutely none of them are to do with you.”

“The trend of mosting is incredibly annoying because it involves intentionally leading someone on only to disappear without any explanation,” adds Charlotte Johnson, a sex and relationships expert at Mega Pleasure. “It plays with the other person’s emotions and leaves them feeling confused, hurt and questioning their self-worth.”

More than just wasting your time, mosting is a disrespectful practice that undermines trust and sincerity in dating. After all, when we’re juggling so much already, it can be emotionally draining to invest energy into someone who ultimately proves to be insincere.

Because while over-the-top gestures, compliments and declarations can feel nice in the moment, according to Cannon, it can be a red flag that reveals a lack of emotional intelligence or maturity on their part. “At best, it manifests as someone truly believing they’re super into the relationship upfront then swiftly changing their mind… but at worst it’s a plea for validation as a result of their own insecurities,” she explains. 

Commitment-phobia and ego-boosting can also come into play with mosting, as people use it as a way to get what they want from a relationship (be it physical intimacy or external validation) before withdrawing and moving on.

So how can you spot it in action?

The key is paying attention to the behaviour in relation to the relationship time-frame. After a date, is your match sending a typical and appropriate “It was lovely to see you” type-message, or launching straight into a flurry of over the top compliments and speculative talk of the future?

Even if it feels like the fairytale beginning, try to stay as objective and discerning as possible. Often, if someone seems too good to be true, they are, so try and keep an open mind while having your guard up just a little bit.

It can be a tricky balance, but worth it if it avoids disappointment. 

Images: Getty