Dating in 2022: this is why the ‘feelings gap’ is making it difficult to sustain relationships

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Dating


Dating in 2022: this is why the ‘feelings gap’ is making it difficult to sustain relationships

By Leah Sinclair

3 years ago

1 min read

Research from The Inner Circle shows two in three daters (68%) have had relationships that ended at the three-month mark and that’s usually when the feelings gap kicks in. Here’s what it is and how to spot it.

Dating in 2022 – especially when living in a big city – is no easy feat.

With the endless situationships, dating app fatigue and red flags to look out for, navigating through the dating world can feel like a minefield – and even when you find one person you may connect with, the process of moving from dating to a relationship can be even murkier.

This is reflected in recent stats from the global dating app Inner Circle, which found 68% of daters have had a relationship end after three months.

But the app claims that this three-month timeline is usually when the ‘feelings gap’ occurs.

What is the feelings gap?

The feelings gap is defined as the difference in the amount of time it takes each partner to decide if a match is worth the commitment.

Due to daters usually taking their time to assess individually whether the person they’re dating is right for a long-term commitment, the feelings gap can result in very real consequences for all parties.

Relationships that might have been a quick fling get drawn out until one party decides that the person they’re dating isn’t right for them in the long term, leaving the other party hurt.

 “The feelings gap is a real thing and we see it all the time,” says Crystal Cansdale, an in-house expert at Inner Circle. “One party steams ahead and falls quick and fast. Sometimes we accuse them of love bombing – displays of affection that feel too fast and too soon. But it’s not as sinister in many cases.

“The feelings gap can explain a lot. In relationships between men and women, women generally take the first few months to work out whether they really like the guy they’re dating. They build feelings based on like-mindedness, shared values and how their date interacts with others. Men are more likely to make a snap decision. The gap can leave us with a three-month lag on catching up with one another’s feelings – making the early stages trickier to navigate.”

Cansdale says consciously managing how you date can definitely make a big difference to getting trapped in the feelings gap – and here are some top tips on how to spot it.


Go steady: in the first couple of months, a date once or twice a week is perfect to get to know someone without it spiralling. This gives both parties the chance to get to know one another, without moving too fast. If it does feel like it’s all going too fast, put on the breaks.

Make sure they tick your boxes: don’t let their behaviour cloud your vision. You know what you want out of a date, so make sure they’re ticking your non-negotiables. If the core stuff is there – putting the effort in, shared values, good chemistry – that’s what’s important.

Check in with yourself: sometimes, you might just not be compatible. Don’t use the feelings gap as an excuse if you’re actually not feeling it at all. If there isn’t any initial spark at any level, it’s unlikely to grow. So make sure to check in with yourself and be honest – finding out what you like is part of the dating experience.

Remember your worth: even with these steps for avoiding the feelings gap, you still might come across it. Whether your relationship makes it past the three-month mark or ends before, there isn’t always blame to assign. At the end of the day, keeping your sense of self-worth is of the utmost importance. Cheesy? Perhaps. But all the best things in life are.

Image: Getty

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