It’s normal to daydream about a crush – to imagine your first date, your first kiss, maybe even your life together years and years into the future. But when these thought patterns continue for weeks or even months on end, you might find yourself leaving ‘normal crush’ daydreaming and entering the realm of delusion.

Introducing ‘delusionships’ – another TikTok dating term. You’ve probably heard of the situationship – a relationship that only exists for its convenience, without an official definition. Now, there’s the delusionship – a relationship that only exists in one person’s head in the form of a delusional daydream.

What is the delusionship trend?

The hashtag #delusionship has already racked up 23.8 million views on TikTok, where people are revealing their unhealthy habit of obsessing over an unrequited, directionless crush. According to most TikTok videos, a delusionship occurs when you constantly daydream about a crush and try to decode their behaviour, either alone or with your friends.

Jaden (@redformandumbazz) on TikTok describes it as: “Me spending my whole day imagining my future with my delusionship instead of finding someone who’s actually attainable.”

Siena (@sienaxnyc) from New York City, meanwhile, breaks down the nature of the delusionship.

“Somebody came along and they gave you a little morsel of whatever you were craving – affection, a sense of possibilities or the possibility of commitment, a future together,” she says. “But in reality, you know the answer. You know this is going nowhere.”

According to Siena, indulging in delusions about an imagined romance can feel good. “In some sick way [it] just feels good to think about it too much and entertain the possibilities,” she says, before adding: “If you’re in a delusionship, get out!”

The psychology behind the delusionship

As the TikTok trend reveals, delusionships occur when we know that a crush will never work out but we continue to fantasise about them and read meaning into their actions regardless.

“The trend of dubbing unrequited crushes as ‘delusionships’ taps into the human tendency to create narratives around romantic interests,” Dr Sona Kaur, clinical psychologist and founder of Serenity Psychology, tells Stylist.

According to Kaur, a delusionship is a “coping mechanism [that] may help individuals navigate rejection by reinterpreting their experiences”. 

It’s also something that does feel really, really good in the moment – even if it can eventually lead to heartbreak. “It’s linked to the brain’s reward system, potentially releasing dopamine when we fantasise about positive outcomes,” she says. “This can temporarily boost mood and alleviate feelings of loneliness or longing.”

The risks of a delusionship

While delusionships may feel nice while you’re in them, they can be dangerous in the long run.

For one thing, spending hours on end living in a delusion can make that imagined relationship feel – well – pretty real. When you finally realise the impossibility of any real relationship, the pain of letting go of your delusionship can feel as traumatic as a real break-up. After all, letting go of a partner means letting go of your imagined future together. The end of a delusionship can trigger surprisingly similar regrets and feelings of loss.

The other problem with living in your delusionship is that you may find you are unable to imagine relationships with anyone else. In other words, you won’t be able to entertain other potential partners – partners who could offer stability and commitment in the real world.

So, there are some very real psychological ramifications. As Kaur notes, be careful about casually tossing around the term ‘delusionship’. “It’s important to consider the potential impact on self-esteem and emotional wellbeing, as these playful terms might inadvertently downplay genuine emotions,” she says.

How to stop your delusionship habit in its tracks

Delusionships are surprisingly difficult to stop. After all, they feel great while you’re in them, so it’s easy to indulge in “just one more” daydream.

“Breaking the habit of a delusionship involves cultivating self-awareness,” Kaur says. “Recognise when you’re engaging in these fantasies and challenge them with reality. Focus on your own personal growth and interests, which can shift your attention away from unrequited feelings. Building a strong support network and practising mindfulness can also help manage the emotional impact.”

So, next time you find yourself sinking off into a comforting daydream about your crush, take a step back. Find a way to ground yourself in reality. Just remember: your delusionship is just that. A delusion.

Image: Getty