It may have been said a thousand times, but it remains true: modern dating is a minefield.

Not only do we need to be savvy enough to navigate flags of every colour, we find ourselves having to put up with annoying behaviours like orbiting and semi-ghosting in the pursuit of finding love.

Of course, it all becomes worth it on the rare occasion you organise a first date where chemistry fizzes and sparks fly, but a cycle of bad dates is enough to make you lose faith altogether. So it’s natural that we find ourselves turning to others in the hope that their wisdom might inspire us.

Except, the advice we receive in return isn’t always what we want or need to hear. In fact, we’ve all been given our fair share of bad guidance when it comes to how to date.

However, the worst offender of all has to be every form of “cool girl” dating advice: anything that encourages you to be aloof and alluring but scorns making too much effort or being too engaged.

After a connection-starved pandemic and amid some really trying times, surely we want to know and experience the people in our lives in deeper ways than ever, not at arm’s length? 

1. “Play hard to get”

The ultimate cool girl dating “hack”, playing hard to get ensures you’re never the first to make a move, plan a date or express how you feel about your potential partner.

But we say: where’s the fun in that? Emotional vulnerability isn’t easy, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, but where does being closed off get us?

If you like someone, tell them. If you want to go on another date, plan it. Understanding and taking control of your feelings isn’t just emotionally intelligent, it’s rewarding too. 

2. “Don’t talk about your ex”

“I’ve always rejected the “never talk about your ex” advice – it’s BS in my book, I LOVE hearing about people’s past relationships; it’s so revealing (though if they say their ex was a ‘psycho’, then run for the hills), it’s an icebreaker – everyone has an ex, so it’s common ground and it’s usually a bit of a laugh on a first or second date to confess your disasters and even talk about the good ones,” says freelance writer and editor Katy.

“You’ll find out this stuff eventually if it all works out, so why not find out right at the start.”

3. “Don’t [insert action] on the first date”

It’s 2022, so let’s bin any arbitrary rules about how much physical or sexual contact you should have at any “stage” of a relationship, shall we?

The only thing that truly matters is mutual consent. So whether you want to wait or dive right in, do you! Don’t let any made up rules stop you from having a good time with someone you connect with.

4. “Don’t talk about yourself too much”

Maintaining the mystique just isn’t a priority for most of us anymore. We actually want to get to know the people we’re dating on a deeper level – their hopes, dreams, fears, likes and dislikes. So don’t be afraid to open up and broach all of those subjects that are often considered faux pas on dates, such as your job, political values, future plans, families and the like.

Of course, you should balance it out by asking the other person plenty of questions too.

Let conversations of every kind flow and see where it takes you.

5. “Don’t reply too quickly”

One of the biggest modern dating bugbears is the game of replies: wait too long to respond to a text and you seem disinterested, but fire back too quickly and you look “desperate”.

Ignore it all. Instead of engaging in this complicated and genuinely stressful dance of taking x-minutes to respond, just reply when you can. Take the pressure out of it and off of yourself. 

Images: Getty