Matching with someone on a dating app can be fun and exciting, that possibility of something new that keeps so many of us constantly returning to the world of dating apps. But then there’s the dreaded talking stage: the initial messaging between new people as you attempt to figure each other out and see if either of you want to meet up for a date. But the thing about the talking stage is that it only seems to be getting longer. It feels like what used to be three or four days of messaging has turned into weeks. The endless conversation, the months-long talking stage, the lack of a face-to-face first date; it’s tiring and stressful.

This growing wave of anxiety that’s sweeping the dating world is being blamed on this endless messaging on dating apps by experts and has been dubbed carouselling.

According to a recent survey from new dating app Finding The One, the longer singles spend messaging on these platforms, the more anxious they feel about meeting their matches in real life. 77% of people reported feeling more nervous the longer the conversation drags on without a face-to-face meetup.

Sylvia Linzalone, Finding The One’s dating expert, says that prolonged messaging has created an anxiety “trap” that’s making dating harder. “It’s called carouselling: users get stuck in a never-ending loop of messaging without ever meeting. The longer they stay on the messaging carousel, the more daunting the idea of meeting becomes and it’s fuelling unnecessary anxiety.”

83% of the 1500 respondents of singles signed up to test the new dating app said they would prefer to meet in person within a week of matching but often feel pressured to continue messaging.

Many users are hesitant to suggest meeting up too quickly, fearing they’ll appear too eager. This reluctance leads to the carouselling effect, where prolonged conversations build up stress and unrealistic expectations, making an eventual in-person meetup feel like much more of an ordeal.

28-year-old Emily, one of the users who took part in the study, knows exactly how messaging can spiral into anxiety. “I tend to chat with people for weeks, and by the time we finally planned a date, I’d built up so much anxiety that I almost dreaded it,” she says. “The longer we messaged, the more I worried about whether we’d actually connect in person. I’ve even cancelled a few dates because of it.”

Linzalone emphasises the importance of this approach. “Meeting sooner means less pressure and less anxiety. It lets you see if there’s a real connection in the real world, where it actually matters.”

Carouselling: the dating trend experts say is fuelling anxiety amongst single people