Credit: Getty
4 min read
Who knew the letters of the alphabet could hold the answers for love?
Relationships ebb and flow. They change and evolve over time. Sometimes, a spark is reignited; at other times, it’s quenched. And as time progresses and you start to notch up the years in a relationship, you can move into autopilot. Nights in take precedence over nights out, conversations become mundane and bedtime consists of a scroll on the phone and a kiss goodnight.
This is often a natural part of being in a long-term partnership, and doesn’t reflect the love a couple has for one another. However, making an effort is crucial to the health of any relationship. Successful partnerships take work and time, and both individuals have to consciously try to keep matters of the heart interesting and fun.
One way to keep the spark burning is to utilise something called ‘alphabet date nights’. The term has been trending on TikTok, with over 107.6 million views on the hashtag alone. And over the past few months, US content creator Stephanie Booe has been sharing videos about the concept on Instagram, which have received millions of views and thousands of comments.
So, what exactly is alphabet dating? It goes like this: you pick a letter of the alphabet and plan your date with activities that begin with the letter chosen. Booe and her husband chose the letter ‘A’ and so ate appetisers and went axe-throwing. For their B-themed date, they ate buffalo wings and played billiards.
Booe has since been sharing regular updates of her alphabet dates nights. The most recent centred around the letter ‘G’, which saw the couple enjoy a guided parasail tour.
In a post, Booe wrote that she and her husband had found themselves “in a date night rut. We were tired of doing the same old thing for date night, so we started doing ‘Alphabet Date Night.’”
She added that the parasail tour was one of the reasons she loves the ABC date night idea: “It really does push us out of our comfort zone [and] challenges us to try new things together.”
Experts love the idea of alphabet date nights. “I think it’s brilliant and I’m so pleased its taking off and going viral,” relationship coach and expert Sarah Louise Ryan tells Stylist. “It can help so many reignite the energy that is needed to be able to create the desire and excitement that results in a ‘spark’.”
Ryan notes that she recommended a similar dating activity to couples who were struggling during the pandemic. “I highly advocated for it during lockdown for couples who were quarantined alone or struggling to find excitement when they saw each other all day every day,” she says. “This system helped those couples think outside of the box and create an air of excitement in times of uncertainty and when libido was subsiding due to the stress of it all.
“It’s a great way to date and inject excitement into relationships whether two people have just started dating or have been dating for a long time.”
Ryan also advises couples not to become disheartened if their relationship has somewhat cooled. It is, in her opinion, a natural part of partnership. “If you’ve been in a relationship a long time it can be tricky to create newness when it comes to dates,” she explains. “Or, if you’ve been busy with work and other responsibilities, sometimes having the energy to be creative with ideas can be tricky.
“Couples tend to let date nights slip because it can be easy to prioritise things such as paying the bills, organising childcare and managing the day to day schedule of two people.
“When couples live together they can subconsciously assume that more time under the same roof means quality time, but they are not the same thing. What ignites a spark is the unknown and this leads to desire and increased chemistry. This is why having separate hobbies, interests and friends helps ignite the flame of desire because differentiation in conversation when together creates curiosity and brings two people together. Couples have to keep courting each other for relationship maintenance and it should be prioritised alongside other things to ensure deep connection is kept at the forefront.”
If you want to try the alphabet trend or simply reintroduce a weekly date night of dinner and drinks, Ryan says that you must communicate your feelings and intentions.
“For couples [who] want to get back into having date night, the first thing to do is talk about it,” she advises. “Express why you want to date more to relate better, share more about what kinds of things would make you feel excited and connected – this kind of authenticity and vulnerability in itself creates connection.
“Thereafter, when you have alone time with your significant other, you get to share time with the person who should ultimately be your best friend. When you have moments that feel connecting such as shared experiences, you create memories together and new neural pathways which release dopamine and help you to feel more in love. This will no doubt revive the spark.”
Image: Getty
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