“I had a huge breakup with a big group of friends over a decade ago. I’ve got lots of great mates now, but still have anxiety around losing friends – even people I don’t especially like. For 10 years, I’ve had dreams about making up with people from the group I fell out with, and even though I wouldn’t want to be mates now, those dreams affect me for days afterwards. Is it normal that I’m still thinking and dreaming about this?”

King says: “It’s very normal to still be thinking and even dreaming about a friendship breakup, especially when it involved a close-knit group and – even if we no longer like them and particularly if we are the only one who’s no longer a part of the group. Friends play a huge role in shaping our identity, self-worth and sense of belonging. Losing that can feel like losing a part of yourself, and the experience often leaves a lasting emotional impact, even when you’ve moved on and built new, fulfilling relationships.

“Our brains are wired to form attachments with people we spend significant time with, especially in a group setting. Even if you’ve grown away from or developed negative feelings toward those people, the group once provided a sense of belonging, which creates a lasting emotional imprint. The loss of that bond can leave a ‘pseudo’ sense of connection, even if you no longer like those people.

“Our dreams can be a way for the brain to process past events and emotions, especially if there’s still a sense of loss, regret or confusion around what happened. You might not want to rekindle those friendships, but your mind is still working through the impact of that breakup, which can be a complex mix of grief, betrayal or a disrupted sense of belonging. Sometimes when breakups don’t end with a clear resolution, we’re left with open-ended questions or lingering feelings. Dreaming about making up with them may reflect a subconscious desire for closure or peace around the experience, even if reconciliation isn’t something you want.

“Although the experience was a decade ago, it’s common for emotionally significant events to continue affecting us. You might consider journaling or even working with a therapist to explore and work through any residual emotions. This can help bring a sense of closure from within.”

“I love one friend dearly, but I think she makes so many bad decisions. She’ll tell me how she’s handled a situation at work and I’ll think, ‘God, I’d sack you if I were your boss.’ And she’ll have sex with the worst guys. She’s chaotic. But I always bite my tongue and back her… even though I disagree with how she lives her life. Should I tell her the truth? Or am I too invested?”

Skinner says: “A good first step might be to assess your own motivations and the standards you regard as appropriate for how to live life. Your interpretation of ‘bad decisions’ might not be the same as another person’s – we all have our own motivations, ambitions and goals. Assessing whether your friend’s decisions are truly ‘bad’ (are they dangerous? Do they put her at risk or in vulnerable situations?) might help you reframe the situation.

“If you still decide to speak to her, you could start by letting her talk. Make sure to listen without judgment, especially if she explains the context around particular decisions or circumstances. If you are asked for your opinion, you can offer your thoughts in a compassionate way, outlining your level of care and support for her. Try to phrase your own statements from your perspective (’I feel this way…’), rather than accusing her of falling short of your own standards.

“Either way, whether you decide to speak to her or not, it’s important that you do address any resentment around your friend’s decision-making. Unspoken disagreements in a friendship can deepen over time, and if you want to protect the friendship, it’s important to be honest with yourself about the way you feel.”

“I’m so insecure about my friendships. I hardly have any friends and the friends I do have aren’t that close. I spend most of my weekends alone. I don’t know how to make new friends, and it feels like not having many to begin with is a deterrent to potential mates – people don’t want to be friends with a loser or a weirdo so it’s like I have this massive red flag. Why does it feel like everyone else’s friendships are better than mine?”

Skinner says: “To address the assumption about other people’s friendships, I think it’s definitely untrue that other people are finding friendship effortless, easy and natural – especially as we enter our adult years. Looking in on other people’s friendships can often be misleading, since we don’t know the background, history or time and effort that people are putting into a friendship. So, the most important first step might be to reframe your expectations around friendships – they do take time, effort and investment, and they don’t always just arrive in our lives naturally (especially as we get older).

“In terms of what to do to make friends, remember that it’s a slow process. Building a sustainable, long-term friendship doesn’t happen overnight (just like any other enduring relationship or connection in your life). Start with the practical elements: think about what you enjoy, your hobbies and your passions. Could any of these lead to connections with other people? For example, if you enjoy fitness, could you try out community-based run clubs or workouts instead of solo gym sessions? If you like crafting or arts, could you join a regular local class? Shared interests (especially where you’re able to engage with a group of people on a regular basis) can be a great way to locate future friends. You can also try to be proactive – if you have formed a connection with someone, you could suggest a coffee or activity for you to do together. Taking the initiative to plan something can be helpful, rather than just open-ended suggestions such as ‘we should meet up sometime’. Once you start to build your friendships, remember that they need cultivation, time and attention. Follow up with your new friends when they cross your mind, check in with them, plan activities for you to do together and keep them updated with the significant events of your own life.

“Finally, I’d say it’s important to reframe your beliefs about yourself – many people spend a lot of time alone (especially those who tend to be a little more introverted), and this doesn’t lead to being a weirdo or loser. Instead, look at the time spent alone as valuable time for self-reflection, being with oneself and engaging with your own passions, and from there, you can schedule some time to spend with others and enjoy both.”

“Is it normal to think about having sex with people who aren’t your partner? I got married a couple of years ago, and I love my husband, but these thoughts keep recurring.”

Natasha Silverman, Relate counsellor and sex therapist, says: “In the therapy room, clients will regularly ‘confess’ to fantasising about having sex with people other than their partners. For many, these thoughts bring about feelings of guilt, shame, confusion or fear about what these fantasies mean about their partner and relationship. In reality, sexual fantasies about non-partners are incredibly common and generally harmless.

“Some of the most potent erotic ingredients are novelty, uncertainty, passion and the unknown – something that we often lack as we transition into committed, secure, stable longer-term relationships. Safe and secure relationships, while comfortable and fulfilling, do, for many, quell sexual passion. Once you feel that you know your partner inside out and, as many of my clients tell me, develop a predictable sexual repertoire, they may start to miss sexual parts of themselves and feel disconnected from their sexual freedom and, in turn, their identity. In this case, fantasy is more about connecting to lost parts of oneself rather than about what their partner is in some way lacking. Attraction also happens instantly and in a matter of seconds, and is something we have little control over, so simply being attracted or having sexual thoughts about a person sometimes can’t be avoided.

“Understandably, many do struggle with the idea that their partners are having sexual thoughts about other people, particularly if these thoughts relate to ex-partners, colleagues or friends. Your partner’s fantasies can feel like a betrayal, infidelity or rejection – the partner has no intention of taking the thought further. In these instances, relationship counselling or psychosexual therapy – together or individually – can be useful to support positive communication and more difficult conversations around boundaries and needs and to build the self-esteem of the betrayed party.

“Ultimately, we are all entitled to our internal sexual worlds and should feel confident that our sexual thoughts, many of which are automatic and out of our control, are not being policed by our partners.”

“I’m obsessed with his ex, jealous of my most successful friends and I worry about commitment”: therapists dissect 13 of your relationship confessions