How can codependents recognise that they’re codependent?

“Codependency is often a pattern of putting what you want last or losing touch with what you want, ie not having a sense of who you are or what you enjoy and those things being entirely driven by another person,” says Dr Stacey.

Examples include:

Do you find yourself cancelling plans with family or friends to spend time with this person or do something for them?
Do you find yourself putting your wants and needs second so that you can put theirs first?
If you’re in a relationship where you have children, are you the one who always leaves work early to pick them up? Are you the one who always has to take time off work if the kids are off sick?
Do you find yourself shifting or changing your sense of self, your plans or aspirations to fit in with them?
If you’re planning to go away together, and they’re desperate to go on a city break, but you hate city breaks and would rather go walking in the hills, do you say, “Oh yeah, that sounds lovely. I’ll go with what you want”?
Do you catch yourself having thoughts along the lines of ‘Oh, I had to do such and such.’ Or ‘My partner needed me to do so and so.’ When, actually, you didn’t need to at all? It’s a need that’s been imagined because they haven’t done it themselves in a certain timeframe. It’s good to watch out for that language in our dialogue with ourselves and others, and ask: ‘Actually, do I have to do that?’

Codependency: your guide to identifying and avoiding the relationship pattern