On work nights out, after a few drinks, my flirting kicked up a notch. I’d wear attention-grabbing outfits and was even more tactile. Stuart seemed more receptive to my flirting when we were out of the office, and on one night out, he playfully grabbed me around the waist on the dance floor, and I felt a jolt of pleasure run through me. Maybe he wants me too, I thought.

What started as an accidental kiss at our Christmas party led to a steamy six-month affair. The party was winding down, and we were the last two standing from our team. Stuart leaned in to give me a goodnight kiss on my cheek, but I turned my head, and our lips touched. He didn’t pull away; instead, he grabbed my face and kissed me hard – a kiss so good my knees almost buckled. I grabbed his hand and said, “You’re coming home with me.”

From that point on, Stuart and I started ‘working late’, or at least that’s what he told his partner. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and had sex whenever we could. We never went on a ‘date’ and didn’t talk about our lives outside of work; it was a purely physical relationship.

My life away from work was messy. I was grieving the loss of my mother, drinking too much and, because of what I was going through emotionally, I didn’t care that the fling might jeopardise my job. When the thought of getting found out crossed my mind, I wondered if I’d get a slap on the wrist from HR or disciplinary action. Maybe it would be swept under the rug like all the other office romances the company had seen over the years.

While my grief was uncontrollable, every aspect of the affair was on my terms; I said when and where we would hook up, and I could end it whenever I chose. Stuart never demanded anything of me and was happy to go with the flow. I knew our affair had an expiration date, and when I successfully secured a role in another department, I knew it was time to end things. I needed a fresh start to get my life back on track. Stuart was understanding; he had recently split from his girlfriend but knew we didn’t have a future together, and we parted on good terms.

I didn’t think about the affair much until 2021, when I had a coffee with an old work colleague. As we reminisced about old times, she said, “You remember Stuart? He was so uncomfortable when you flirted with him. He didn’t know what to do with himself!”

I laughed awkwardly and said, “I wasn’t that bad, was I?” Then my friend said something that gave me chills: “You were his boss. Maybe he thought if he told you to stop flirting, you’d fire him.”

I can’t believe that had never occurred to me before – the unequal power dynamic and the fact that he seemed initially resistant to my flirtation. I’d worked with my fair share of sleazy guys who couldn’t distinguish between a compliment and harassment; surely I wasn’t one of them? Stuart consented to everything after that first kiss, but what about the lead-up? Suddenly, upon realising this, I felt like a predator.

“As a boss, I had an affair with my younger, male colleague – I didn’t recognise the abuse of power until much later”