Credit: Getty
Motherlovers Club
“My ambitions hadn’t dimmed”: 3 mothers share how and why they returned to work after having their babies
Updated 7 months ago
4 min read
Three women talk through how and why they decided to return to work after having a baby.
With a newborn snuggled against your chest, the washing machine on its third spin of the day and yet another coffee gone cold beside you, any job outside of that baby bubble can feel very far away. But for many mothers, the reality of rejoining the workforce is always there in the background. For some, a return is purely financially motivated; a necessity to end weeks or months of surviving on one salary during a cost of living crisis. For others, it’s to continue on a career path they’ve already worked so hard on. Sometimes, it’s simply a yearning to challenge their minds in ways unrelated to motherhood.
While all of these are completely valid reasons to want to return to work, the decision-making surrounding them can often be complex. One in four parents who use formal childcare say that the cost is now more than 75% of their take-home pay, with a staggering three in four mothers who pay for childcare saying it no longer makes financial sense for them to work. Add this to a persistent 14% gender pay gap, flexible roles that aren’t really as flexible as they could be, plus some added mum-guilt for good measure, and it can be a strenuous effort for mothers to simply wake up one day and “return to work”.
I knew returning to work was something I needed – and not just financially
For solicitor Tanya Lloyd, 33, the decision to go back to work was made for her.
“There was just no financial option for just one of us to work in our household. The why was easy: the bank said so,” she says.
As for how she returned? That was quite different. While going back was a necessity, the role that she was going back to needed some consideration.
“At home with my newborn, I wondered whether I even wanted to continue with law. Could I imagine servicing demanding clients when, at the time, I could barely draft a coherent WhatsApp? I was looking at a role that would have me clocking in after hours, missing bath and bedtimes. They weren’t for me. I looked at so many different ways to make it work, including setting up a side hustle.”
Following an extensive search, and after being offered a job that would cover only Zara’s childcare fees and not a penny more, Tanya found another role that paid her more for working four days than her previous job had paid her for five.
Going back to work, she enjoyed using her brain in a different way: “I love having enough financial reward to spend Fridays with my daughter, but I think even if money allowed, I wouldn’t be at home all of the time – I was ready for something different. The moment I’m at my desk, it feels like a holiday. Then you’re getting updates from the nursery and you just want to be with them all over again.”
Lauren Males, 36, recently returned to her role in social media marketing, working three-and-a-half days a week. Her daughter, Arden, is now 16 months old, but when caring for her as a newborn, Lauren felt like she had found her calling. “I loved maternity leave. I was so happy, and I felt like I was ‘good’ at something for nearly the first time in my life.”
But as Arden’s first birthday approached, the pressure to return to work grew.
“Her childcare is just shy of £1,000 a month for two days a week. Not only that, but my husband and I still haven’t managed to buy a house,” she says. “I knew I never wanted to work full-time with a small child, but we both knew I had to go back in some capacity to make sure we could get a mortgage and build up our savings again. Ultimately, everything comes down to money and giving our daughter the best we can.”
For Petra von Schalien, 34, returning to work was a given. She now has two daughters, aged two-and-a-half and five. Having worked as a TV and commercials producer up until late into her pregnancy with her first child, she knew returning was something she wanted to do.
“I remember being on set in the first trimester and having a real moment of thinking, ‘I’ll miss this.’ I texted my partner saying, ‘I can’t imagine leaving this behind. I don’t know what I’ll feel later, but I know how I feel right now.’ I really struggled with the emotional rollercoaster and guilt. I knew returning to work was something I needed to do – not just financially, it was something I wanted. My ambitions hadn’t dimmed. The reality was that I missed my baby, desperately. Finding a balance was key. I didn’t want my only choices to be missing bedtime all week long or doing nothing outside the home at all.”
Feeling torn in different directions is a common thread among many mothers and one that Tanya, Lauren and Petra have all felt in some way or another. But as Petra says: “There is no wrong choice, nor one that makes me a worse or better mum. I have to do the thing that feels the most aligned with my gut at that moment. Maybe I change careers. Maybe I take more time and stay at home and regroup. It’s OK that it feels hard. Whatever happens, I will be OK.”
Images: Getty
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