You’d be hard-pressed to find someone – anyone – who doesn’t know that Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas have filed for divorce after four years of marriage. It’s been a staple part of this week’s 24/7 rolling news buffet, after all.

So, yet another celebrity couple breaks up – big deal, right? Wrong. Honestly, it feels like everyone on social media has had something to say about this very personal decision that has literally nothing to do with them (more on that in a moment), with the discourse prompting Turner and Jonas to share identical cut-and-paste statements to their respective Instagram pages.

“After four wonderful years of marriage we have mutually decided to amicably end our marriage,” the statement reads. “There are many speculative narratives as to why but, truly this is a united decision and we sincerely hope that everyone can respect our wishes for privacy for us and our children.”

“And our children”. Three little words with a whole lot of weight behind them – because it’s no exaggeration to say that the couple’s two daughters have been weaponised by certain members of the media/PR machine as a means of forcing Turner into the unwitting role of the villain in this sad story.

We’ve seen the smear campaign to end all smear campaigns, quite frankly. It’s been heavily underlined that Jonas is seeking joint custody of his girls, for starters, despite that being a very normal thing for a father to do. Unnamed sources have tutted over allegations that Turner has been – gasp! – seen “partying in Birmingham” rather than… well, staying home alone, prostrate with grief, we suppose. Eyebrows were raised meaningfully when one of TMZ’s dubious sources claimed of the couple: “She likes to party; he likes to stay at home. They have very different lifestyles.” Those same eyebrows disappeared into the stratosphere when yet another unnamed source told Page Six: “Divorce was a last resort for Joe. He never wanted to break up his family, but he had to take what he felt was the best course of action for his girls.” And, quite honestly, all hope was lost for those eyebrows’ return when a series of pointless and, quite frankly, annoyingly empty rumours about Turner being caught doing something on Jonas’s Ring doorbell started to leak into the online narrative. Because what is a 2023 scandal without a dash of AI in the mix, eh?

Basically, it feels like team Jonas has taken inspiration from the Justin Timberlake book of breakups (I think we can all agree that the music video for Cry Me A River did Britney Spears dirty). Because, and call it a coincidence if you like, the paparazzi have managed to snap a lot of photos of the singer cuddling and high-fiving his kids this week. A lot. And, as a result, all of the headlines and social media chatter around the breakup has proven absolutely outrageous and sexist and awful. As always.

What’s somehow even worse than all of this, though, are the trolls rushing to admonish Turner for breaking up her family. Not to get all Helen Lovejoy about it, but there’s been a lot of hand-wringing and “Think of the children!” commentary – and it stinks. We already demand so many sacrifices from parents, especially mothers. Sacrifices around their bodies, their free time, their careers, their emotional wellbeing. Hell, from the moment you find out you’re pregnant, you’re bombarded with unsolicited advice about your caffeine intake (farewell, cheeky morning Starbucks), what position you should sleep in, the temperature of your morning shower, the products you should use, the food you eat and the clothes you wear (I know someone who got an earful from her midwife for wearing trainers with a chunkier than average sole, for crying out loud). 

Ahem. Like I say, mothers make so many sacrifices, day in and day out. They are publicly and privately shamed on what feels like an hourly basis if they don’t adhere to societal expectations around motherhood (despite the fact that these expectations are usually in direct contradiction of one another – see America Ferrera’s iconic speech in Barbie if you don’t believe me). They are held to far higher standards than men when it comes to parenting (seriously, I have taken my daughter to the park every single day this year so far, and nada; my husband took her for the first time last week and was approached by no fewer than three separate strangers lauding his skills as a father). And they are forced to feel guilty about every little thing they do for themselves, always.

Now, everyone is using these same guilt and shame tactics to make Turner feel the breakup is a) her fault, and b) indicative of bad parenting. Which all feels unnecessarily cruel, doesn’t it?

Confession time: I’m likely taking all of this Turner-Jonas stuff personally because I am – drum roll, please – an adult child of divorce. And, while I don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty Jacqueline Wilson-style narrative of it all, let me tell you that staying in the wrong marriage for the sake of your children is never a good idea. They know when something is off, for starters (we’re intuitive AF). They’ll likely burden themselves with the task of fixing things, too (The Parent Trap has a lot to answer for). And it teaches them some seriously unhealthy life lessons – not just about the nature of love and family, but about self-worth, too.

My mum endured so much – so very, very much – to give me and my sister the nuclear two-parent family that society insists is The One when it comes to raising healthy and well-rounded children. She shunted her needs and her own happiness to the side so that she could focus on ours. And that realisation breaks my heart, quite frankly.

It’s easy to judge from the sidelines. It’s easy to wag your finger at Sophie Turner for… for what? For occasionally putting her own needs first? Putting on her own oxygen mask first during a disaster? Dancing? Working hard? Coparenting with her husband rather than shouldering the load her whole damn self?

Maybe they’re mad at Sophie Turner for managing to hold onto some small part of herself when she became a mother? Choosing to *checks notes* exit an “irretrievably broken” marriage with as much grace and decorum as internet trolls will allow her? Being young? Being hot? Partying? Teaching her daughters that it’s really fucking important to prioritise your own self-worth, thank you very much?

Whatever you choose to believe about this couple you’ve never met or spent any real time with before is up to you, of course. But what I will say is this: everyone has a right to be happy, including Sophie Turner. And even if you do adhere to that whole “children always come first” narrative, remember that happy people – especially happy people who aren’t trapped in loveless marriages – tend to make better bloody parents anyway. Fact.

Images: Getty