Every year around the holidays, the same festive meme goes viral across the internet. It goes something like this: “Your dad watching you open presents on Christmas morning, just as surprised as you are,” accompanied by an image that mimics their state of utter bewilderment. It garners millions of likes and shares, as well as comments confirming just how relatable an experience it is. Though my own father has always been an extremely thoughtful gift giver, I’ve often laughed along too, knowing it to be true for so many of my family and friends. Before now, I’ve considered it somewhat harmless commentary, but this year a different social media post made me stop and think. 

Last week, an Instagram post by artist Lily O’Farrell titled “a cartoon about who really buys your Christmas presents” appeared on my timeline. Liked over 35,000 times, it featured a worn-out-looking mum watching on as two different men – Father Christmas and her husband – took credit for her gift-buying work. “Oh, this is so damn accurate that it hurts,” read one user comment underneath. “As a kid I never realised how much my mum actually did to make Christmas work,” said another. 

It goes without saying that ‘not all men’, but the data on the gendered division of labour doesn’t lie. In fact, it paints a very bleak picture.

While Christmas is a time of enjoyment, jollity and feasting, if you’re a woman, it often involves a disproportionate amount of domestic grunt work. Even though attitudes towards gender roles have become more liberal over the years, women are still doing the vast majority of chores, particularly during the festive period. Research has shown that we handle virtually all aspects of holiday prep – buying and decorating the tree, sending cards, buying the food, cooking dinner on Christmas Day – at a significantly higher proportion than men. While a 1990 study found that Christmas shopping was widely construed as “women’s work”, and that women were much more likely than men to take responsibility for it, little has changed more than two decades later. Once again, this year more women than men will buy gifts, all while continuing not to get enough credit for it. 

Some of you reading this might be thinking: I enjoy doing all of this stuff; I wouldn’t have it any other way, which is a very reasonable perspective. I, too, am the kind of person that happily plans my friendship group’s gatherings and fawns over the perfect Christmas decor for my tablescape, but that doesn’t change the fact that, even in the most equal of partnerships, the reality is that women are often expected to shoulder most of the work involved in making Christmas happen. And it’s this expectation that is so problematic.

At this time of year, we suddenly and inexplicably fall back into stereotypical gendered traps: a father, grandfather or brother may take charge of carving the turkey or putting up the ‘big’ Christmas lights, but it’s often the fringe tasks that pile up and fall into our laps. Wishlists need to be adhered to, presents wrapped and thank you notes sent after the fact.

It’s not just the physical labour of the season that rests more heavily on our shoulders, either. The Christmas period demands more emotional output from women: they’re often the carers, peacekeepers and social secretaries, while men aren’t bound by the same responsibilities. A 2019 poll found that up to 62% of men “seek time away” from the family during the Christmas period, a luxury many women simply don’t have.  

No matter your personal situation, whether your mum is the unsung hero of the day or your dad buys all your presents, we need to start talking more openly about emotional and physical labour at Christmas, doing what we can to rebalance it. But regardless of how you’re celebrating this year, take a moment to thank the women in your life anyway. They deserve it. 

Images: Getty