Back in 1978, an article in The Washington Post used the term ‘love-bombing’ to describe how cults lured in members by making them feel needed and cared for. Forty-five years later, the phrase – which describes someone showering their partner with excessive affection, compliments, gifts, praise, declarations of love and/or pushing for the relationship to move quickly because of the intensity of their feelings – has become part of our everyday vocabulary when analysing romantic relationships. When a 25-year-old man known as ‘West Elm Caleb’ was exposed online last year for pursuing and ghosting dozens of women in New York, his actions were widely discussed as an example of love-bombing. On TikTok, videos tagged #LoveBombing have over 363 million views. In January, Love Island viewers accused Shaq Muhammad of love-bombing fellow contestant Tanya Manhenga after he said he could see himself “falling in love with her” (at the time of writing, the couple are still together).

Situations discussed in the context of love-bombing can feel profoundly hurtful, disappointing or disorienting, without necessarily being abusive. But as a manipulation tactic, love-bombing does often precede – and intersect with – genuine psychological and physical abuse, stalking and harassment.

Now, the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) has recognised this by highlighting love-bombing in its guidance for the first time. Updated CPS guidance on stalking, harassment and coercive and controlling behaviours warns prosecutors in England and Wales that suspects may use love-bombing tactics to manipulate victims and disrupt legal proceedings. 

According to the CPS, suspects may “intermittently do what appears to be loving acts”, and try to present these as “interrupting or negating” abuse. In reality, however, supposed demonstrations of love often form part of a wider pattern of coercion or harassment. 

Samantha Farndale is a partner at the legal firm Stowe Family Law, and regularly works on cases involving controlling and coercive behaviour. She tells Stylist that love-bombing usually takes place “at the start of a relationship or when reconciliation is attempted after a relationship breakdown. The perpetrator will shower the victim/survivor with lots of compliments, constant affection and/or gifts, along with sweeping gestures and statements, for example, phrases such as ‘I can’t live without you.’ But the behaviour does not last and the perpetrator becomes abusive.”

Farndale says the changes to the CPS guidance will help lawyers work to support victims and survivors. It’s vital that lawyers and others “understand the wider context and overall behaviour” of perpetrators, she explains, particularly as “showering someone with love and gifts” is sometimes interpreted as the opposite of abuse. “The more awareness about controlling and coercive behaviour the better, especially in more nuanced areas like love-bombing, which is often hard to detect and even harder for victims to recognise.”

Saskia Garner is head of policy and campaigns at the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, which works to reduce the risk and prevalence of stalking and harassment in the UK. She tells Stylist that while stalking can include behaviours such as “damaging property and physical or sexual assault”, it may also involve love-bombing behaviours such as “regularly sending flowers or gifts or repeated communications”.

These actions “are not necessarily malicious in nature, but because they are unwanted can cause distress to those receiving them,” Garner continues. “Perpetrators of stalking can use these types of behaviour in order to create contact with the victim, including in situations where they want to establish a relationship.”

In the context of domestic abuse, love-bombing can have “serious negative implications on a survivor’s ability to see friends and family, to work and can leave them with feelings of indebtedness, which makes it harder to leave,” says Ruth Davison, chief executive of domestic abuse charity Refuge.

“It is vital that the criminal justice system recognises the extent of the actions perpetrators will take in an attempt to control and manipulate a partner, and this change is a step in the right direction,” Davison tells Stylist. “I hope this updated guidance means more survivors are able to seek justice for the crime perpetrated against them. It is now the job of our police forces and courts to show perpetrators this is not behaviour that will be tolerated.”

You can access free and confidential support from Refuge’s 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and digital support via live chat Monday-Friday 3-10pm via nationaldahelpline.org.uk. 

The free and confidential National Stalking Helpline can be reached on 0808 802 0300. Alternatively, visit suzylamplugh.org for help and advice. 

Images: Getty