Time. Even hearing the word is likely to instantly bring a number of images to mind. 

You might see flashes of time throughout your busy day-to-day life: your alarm flashing on your phone in the morning, the train times flickering across the departure board during your commute, the slow creep of your computer clock towards your lunch hour. 

Or maybe, the concept of time fills you with a deeper sense of dread, reminding you of where you are in your own current timeline. Many of us can relate to the famous scene in Friends when, during her 30th birthday party, it dawns on Rachel that she should already be dating her future husband this year if she wants to fulfil her imagined family timeline.

Whatever your associations with time may be, most women are acutely aware of the passing of it and what it means for their current and future selves. New research by Stylist, powered by our new insight agency Think Stylist, found that 87% of women are feeling the pressure of time to achieve everything they want in life. While some of us may feel in control of time’s passing, others will feel sheer panic at the thought of it. When I texted one friend asking about her relationship with time, she simply replied: “How about I just scream into my phone for five minutes?”

We spoke to 11 women about how their perception of time has shifted, for the better or the worse, over the years. From the pressure of keeping up with time’s steady march to the loss of large swathes of it during Covid, here’s how women feel about time today.

Klara, 26

“As I get closer to 27, I’m starting to understand my relationship with time more and more. That understanding has made me feel less stressed and more confident. I was only 20 when I started working in a big marketing agency where multitasking and doing things quickly was praised. It took me years to see these things as the reasons I felt uninspired, unmotivated and unsatisfied with my work. I’m not a multitasker, and as a person in a creative field, I know now that creative work takes time. Having a real understanding of how much time each task takes allowed me to estimate deadlines more accurately, meaning I do more things on time, with less pressure and more satisfaction. I also have better relationships as I don’t promise something I can’t do in the given time, even if I promised it with the best intent.

“Also, I thought that working overtime was the way to succeed in life. Now I find joy in spending time with my family and relatives, enjoying nature and time away from work. That time has allowed me to have a higher quality of life and be more productive in everything I do.”

Anonymous, 32

“I think time is really hard. I also think it’s become a lot harder since the pandemic because there was such a push to be like: Everything’s going to be great… we’re all going to get the vaccine… it’s going to be the roaring 20s, but the world is in a really difficult, painful place – politically, environmentally, economically and socially. I think people really don’t acknowledge that we all lost two and a half years that we could have spent trying things out in terms of our careers or doing social stuff or just growing in the way you would normally. We missed out on that time and now, especially for my peers, we’re suddenly very much into our 30s. A lot of my friends are starting to get married and have babies, and you can feel a divide forming with people’s priorities and lifestyles. I feel like it all starts to push in on your life. Even if you’re not ready to have kids, you start to worry: ‘Do I have to do that soon?’ And in your 30s, if you’re not on a path towards career success, you panic, and you start thinking: ‘If I retrained now, I’d be the oldest person in the class.’ It also feels like you can’t try things because work is so competitive now and everyone seems to have a decade of experience.”

Carolyn, 50

“When I think of time, I think it’s the only thing we have. I’m very grateful for what’s gone before, and I am looking forward to what time I’ve got in the future. The thing is, I’ve got a lot more behind me than I’ve got in front of me. A lot of people think we need to turn around at 50 and look back at what experiences we’ve been through. I am very grateful for the time I have had so far. And like I said, I’m looking forward to what’s to come, but there is always that uncertainty. Because none of us know what is coming.

“I’ve reached the point now where I make the most of my time. I don’t waste my time on things I don’t want to do anymore. I make decisions very quickly. I don’t hang about; I’ll jump, not worrying about the consequences so much. I find it exciting because the best part of my life is now. The quandary is you don’t know how much you’ve got, but you’ve got to carry on living as though you’re always going to be here.

“I hate wasting time on negative things and I tend to cut to the chase – that could be my age, it could be because I have lost friends who have waited all their life to retire and then didn’t get to enjoy their retirement. I don’t procrastinate like I used to as a younger woman. I tend to very much go on instinct and gut feeling. Not wasting time is definitely a theme for me. I like to get up early in the morning, and seize the day. I don’t waste time on people, relationships, friendships, or tasks that I deem unimportant and a waste of my time. I don’t do things just for vanity.

“I like to focus on things that spark joy in me. Just this year, I’ve taken up cold water swimming, and doing a little bit more yoga and exercise. I am trying to lengthen my life by trying to be more healthy. I see life a little like an egg timer – when you get into the bottom quarter, you try to squeeze out more and more of the things that you enjoy and less of the things that you don’t.”

Carolyn is founder of the CLEAR method.

Danielle, 36

“I’m 36 and, as I age, I’m thinking more about ‘future me’ and how she will be shaped by the choices I make in the present. This realisation has made me bolder in my relationships. I feel a greater sense of urgency around letting go of situations that don’t feel joyful and being more intentional about loving the people in my life. Feeling more connected to ‘future me’ has brought a lot of clarity to the decisions I need to make for ‘present me’.”

Danielle is a friendship coach and author.

Lindsay, 43

“I have a very complicated relationship with time. When I think about my workload and deadlines, I can quickly feel anxious and overwhelmed. I think this is linked to a tendency towards perfectionism and never wanting to feel as though I’ve not done my best or that I’ve let anyone down. It often turns out that I have more time than I think I do, but I put pressure on myself about time.

“Relating to workload again, I often think: ‘If only I could just have a week to catch up’, but in reality, I know I’m never going to feel caught up as there will always be something else that comes up to swallow up that precious time. I was recommended the book Four Thousand Weeks, which was brilliant, and lots of the advice in there has been a huge help. For example, I tend to think if only I could just clear my inbox, but as the book explains, you can clear your inbox and then the very next minute another email will arrive. But you have no control over that, so try to only worry about the things you do have control of.

“I also worry that I’m not using my time effectively. As a working mum to two children, I am spinning a lot of plates, so if I find myself with some spare time, I can overthink how best to use it. Should I do some housework? Study the online course I recently bought? Work on building my new business? Take some time for myself? There’s no right answer though, is there?

“I think increasingly as the lines between work and home life have become blurred, this has also affected my relationship with time, as there isn’t that clear boundary between work life and home life and so everything merges together.”

Lindsay is founder of Ephgrave PR.

Suswati, 35

“I used to be switched on 24/7, day in and day out. To call me a workaholic would be putting it mildly. I have been working since I was 14 years old, and being a child of second-generation Indian migrants meant every minute had to be productive. My entire identity was wrapped up in my career.

“So in 2017, when I lost the use of my arms and then my leg due to being diagnosed with a rare degenerative neurological condition, I had a bit of a rude awakening. I was completely bedridden for a year and so felt a deep sense of loss and confusion over who I was. I had no choice but to slow down. If my mind didn’t stop me, my body would, by making me feel huge amounts of fatigue and pain. My sense of time went out the window because I no longer went out – I was in lockdown years before the pandemic. What I realised was that time is finite and life is short. I spent three years running a podcast called How To Be because I learned I was a human being and not a human doing. Spend time accomplishing the things you love.”

Suswati is the founder of How To Be.

Louise, 39

“Women are put under immense time pressures by society, institutions and our own biological make-up from an extremely young age. It’s wired within us to seek weddings, births and new homes, which can be joyful occasions if we are doing them for the right reasons, but they’re not things to be rushed.

“The last year in each decade can bring even more pressure. People are most likely to run a marathon or take up a new hobby when they are 39, because they feel the need to achieve as they approach their 40s. Our own health can also come to the forefront as we try to extend our lives in later decades.

“Because women are often working ‘second shifts’ – aka domestic duties – as well as holding full-time jobs, we feel like our to-do lists never end. The change in the season can bring more tasks – there is never enough time!”

Louise is a life coach.

Laura, 40

“I’ve just turned 40 and entirely changed direction in my life. I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be as a single, childfree woman, but I’ve really gone for my ambitions to be a playwright and have overhauled my life, moving back to Devon and giving up my day job. I’ve really had to work and have had to change my perceptions of my own expectations of life.”

Laura is a playwright who lives between Plymouth and London.

Rachel

“My relationship with time has been redefined entirely. Balancing the demands of a newborn and a startup has been a test of my resilience, especially against societal pressures questioning the ability of working mothers. But I view my roles not as conflicting, but as beautifully interwoven parts of my life. Motherhood has made me more adaptable, helping me navigate the unpredictability of running a startup with more patience. Conversely, my problem-solving skills as a founder have been invaluable in managing the challenges of parenthood.”

Rachel is founder of Axe & Saw.

Shahed, 29

“I’m turning 30 next year, and I’ve really started to feel it. I’m questioning so many parts of my life but particularly when it comes to relationships and the possibility of having kids. When I was a young teen I used to imagine I’d be married with kids by the time I was 25 (an unrealistic dream, perhaps) because marriage and kids were such a prominent thing for women in my culture and community. But as I’ve got older and I’m approaching a milestone birthday, I’m not totally sure if I do want to get married or have kids. However, I don’t want my choice to have kids or not to be taken away from me because of time. I’m facing quite the conundrum, and I do feel as though I’m running out of time to make these kinds of big decisions.”

Shahed is a writer here at Stylist.

Rōgan, 26

“I think the pandemic really impacted the way I look at time. I put a lot of pressure on myself throughout my teens and early 20s to hit certain markers, and I was always an overachiever. However, when something like Covid comes along, it demonstrates how you can only prepare for so much. It sounds silly now, but during the lockdowns, I went through a really intense mourning period for all the time I was losing. But it’s unproductive to say I lost some of the best years of my life to the lockdown because the ‘best years’ aren’t (or shouldn’t be) predicated on youth and they aren’t the same for everyone. I think most age milestones are pretty arbitrary now. I look at the state of the world and I look at the quality of my life and feel gratitude for any progress I get to make with my personal goals. Time is whizzing by, but I can’t let anyone dictate how I spend mine.”

Rōgan is programme producer at Reclaim The Frame.

This article is part of Generation Tick Tock, a series exploring our complex relationship with time. You can read the full series here.

Images: Getty