Every Sunday morning, I go downstairs in my pink fluffy slippers and my far-too-oversized jumper and make myself a cup of tea. I don’t switch the TV on or grab my book, but sit on our sofa by the window and just think. 

It’s part of an effort I’ve been making to just sit with my own thoughts and do nothing. But a part of me is always concerned that this empty 15 minutes is a waste; that I’m simply being unproductive. I question if this is time I should be using to get started on the cleaning, or begin that Netflix series I’ve been meaning to watch for the last month.

The feeling of wasting time isn’t just connected to small pockets of reflection; it can also relate to wider goals of wanting to achieve specific milestones or successes in life. Research by Stylist, powered by our new insight agency Think Stylist, shows that 87% of women are feeling time pressure to achieve everything they want in life, with a further 37% feeling as though they need to ‘have it all’.

Why do so many of us feel as though we’ve wasted, or are wasting, time? According to Charlotte Fox Weber, psychotherapist and author of What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve Of Our Deepest Desires, we’re facing huge pressure to be fulfilled and live with intention and purpose. “Meaning is a noble and worthwhile pursuit, but it should be factored in with awareness that life cannot be lived with exact perfection,” she says. “It can be messy, hard and out of control, and we get tired and bored.”

Weber also points to how social media can reinforce our perception that we should be living a certain way. “If we’re having a lazy day, it can feel shameful, especially when we see others spending their time differently. But lazy isn’t a dirty word.” When we start to feel like prisoners of our own schedules, or as though we’re constantly trying to be in two places at once, that’s when we will feel dizzy, stressed and overwhelmed about time, she explains.

“Ask yourself how often you’re telling yourself to do something because you ‘should’ and not because you actually want to,” she suggests. “We all have ‘shoulds’, but if we’re fighting the clock to get through tasks that are all about a sense of duty rather than desire, we unwittingly sacrifice a certain kind of freedom.” 

Time is only truly wasted if you feel like you’re going through life without really living, according to Weber. “If you spend an hour joyously catching up with a friend or lazily watching a gripping TV series, that’s pleasure. And pleasure is always worthwhile.”

If you feel like you’ve wasted too much time, Weber has five things you can do to tackle that feeling:

Ask yourself when you last felt like a prisoner of time: “What restricted you, and how did you cope? Think of one way you could have made the time more bearable for yourself. Even internally, you can approach the ticking clock with more ease.”

Rather than deny time wastage, plan on it – embrace it: “Pretending that you’ll master life is a sure recipe for disappointment. Assume imperfection and unforeseen delays and time for nothingness. Consider scheduling a rest hour or silly time. It’s a lot more joyful and realistic.”

Consider an experience you’ve had where you’ve spent your time well: “What does time well spent mean to you? Look at your sources of self-worth and where your attitude towards time comes from.”

Beware of unwarranted authority: “It’s amazing how easily we find ourselves serving authority figures who might be irrelevant – voices we’ve internalised for how we ‘should’ live. Revise and adjust as needed and take what actually works for your life.

“For example, I knew someone who never sat down for breakfast because her mother had always eaten on the run and rushing was associated with achievement. It turned out to be a lot more pleasant when she paused and allowed herself the luxury and calm of eating at a table. Softening a hard rule from the past can ease tension and allow for more autonomy.”

Make friends with a ‘time enemy’: “The battle with the ticking clock is as old as human existence. Look for a still point, a slice of a day, when you may be doing something you usually dread or resent, and see if there’s a way you can embrace the experience.

“For instance, if you resent the long journey to work, consider one way you can make it less stressful for yourself. Surrendering can give you more power over your life and your time.”

This article is part of Generation Tick Tock, a series exploring our complex relationship with time. You can read the full series here.

Image: Getty; Stylist