Rest – we all need it, but it’s not always easy to come by. Whether it’s catching up on work, helping family, seeing friends, working out or doing chores, something always seems to get in the way. 

And, to make matters worse, for women, it can often be extra tricky to carve out time for ourselves to simply rest. A 2024 study found that, for women, the lines between work and personal life were becoming increasingly blurred, leading to nine in 10 women experiencing poor mental health. Plus, women often have to contend with “unpaid work” at home – according to the ONS, men tend to shoulder around 16 hours of unpaid labour, while women taken on an average of 26 hours. 

While women tend to have less time to rest, according to several scientific studies, they actually need more time asleep to feel rested – according to experts, about 20 minutes more.

All of this leads to a phenomenon we’re calling “the rest gap”.

Just how real is the rest gap for women?

In a word, very real.

“Studies show us that not only are women likely receive less sleep than men, but they are also more likely to prioritise the needs of others instead of themselves when it comes to self-care,” says psychotherapist Tasha Bailey, of the phenomenon. 

Psychologist Casey Paul has also found evidence of the rest gap. “There can be differences in how rest is not only accessed but also prioritised depending on gender and there is evidence to suggest that women overall rest less than men, although the extent and specific circumstances can vary depending on various factors,” she says.

What causes the rest gap?

So, what are the factors that can lead to the rest gap? First of all, there are a number of practical reasons why women, on average, are getting less rest than their male counterparts. 

Caregiving

“Women can often bear a greater share of caregiving responsibilities within families,” says Paul. “This includes responsibilities related to bringing up children, taking care of elders and running a home. Research shows that women can also often feel more guilty than men about taking time out for themselves.”

Women are often expected to bear the brunt of caregiving responsibilities, due to longstanding gender stereotypes – sometimes they even place this burden on themselves. “Not only does society encourage women to maintain this while maintaining their careers, but women can often internalise this pressure onto themselves, too,” Bailey adds.

Household gender roles

Stereotypes and gendered expectations can also contribute to women picking up more of the household chores – cooking, cleaning, tidying, laundry, you name it.

Hormonal factors

Studies have found that women tend to report poorer sleep quality and shorter sleep duration compared to men. “Factors such as hormonal fluctuations, caregiving responsibilities, and psychological stressors can contribute to these differences,” Paul says.

Adds Bailey: “In many ways, women often need more rest with all of the biological and hormonal processes that they’re bodies often go through.”

Social responsibilities

“Women tend to be more socially active than men in how they interact with friendships and their community,” Bailey says. “While these can be a support, it also means that many women are pulled into more social responsibilities, with more people to take care of emotionally and socially.”

The workplace “motherhood penalty”

There are still many gendered inequalities bedded into the average workplace. “The gender pay gap and the ‘motherhood penalty’ can contribute to women feeling pressured to work harder and longer,” says Paul.

There are psychological pressures making rest harder, too

While there are plenty of practical reasons why women struggle to get the rest they need, there are also more complex psychological reasons at play. It’s 2024 – intellectually, we know that we deserve rest just as much as our male counterparts. But often we still can’t bring ourselves to give it to ourselves.

“Many women in modern society believe their self-worth is attached to how productive or helpful they are to others,” Bailey explains. “So when it comes to prioritising themselves and taking rest, they may feel overwhelmed by a rush of shame and guilt for ‘doing nothing’. In reality, we need to pour into ourselves before we can have capacity to pour into anyone or anything else.”

Bailey notes that comparison culture and imposter syndrome also play a role in our inability to take time off. “For women especially, the bar of societal expectations is incredibly high in how we should look, behave and achieve. It means that we are endlessly working towards something that we believe we should have already attained,” she says.

We also have to talk about class

Of course, some women get more rest than others. In any conversation about gender equality, it’s vital to discuss how class plays a part. In this instance, women who have lower incomes and fewer financial opportunities will probably struggle more than most to find time to rest.

“Higher socioeconomic status often means greater access to resources that support rest and relaxation, such as support with childcare and the running of a household and more opportunities for travel, recreation and wellbeing,” notes Paul.

If you grew up in a working class family, you may also have inherited ideas about work and rest. “For example, we may have been told to always prioritise work and money over our self-care, or that we always need to work twice as hard as everyone else because of our upbringing, class or heritage,” says Bailey.

She adds, “Growing up with scarcity mindset around work and money can often lead us to carry this into our adult lives. We learn to say yes to every opportunity offered to us, with a fear that if we don’t we could lose everything that we currently have.”

The rest gap takes a serious toll

As much as we like to think we can juggle everything and get by without taking time to rest and recuperate, we can’t. 

“Sleep deprivation is associated with an increased risk of mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression and can also worsen symptoms in individuals already living with these conditions,” says Paul.

Plus, it can impact hormone regulation, metabolism and inflammation levels, and can weaken the immune response. In other words, it can lead to physical illness.

After a while, a lack of rest can impact your productivity, too. It can make “every task feel like more of an uphill struggle when energy levels are lower”, she says.

Your mood might also change as you begin to resent what you see as the reasons for your lack of rest. “We will find ourselves feeling more resentful, angry and frustrated,” says Bailey.

How can women carve out extra time for rest?

So, what’s a woman to do? With both practical and psychological factors at play, getting real time for rest can feel like an impossibility. The experts recommend starting small.

1. Change your mindset

“Firstly, remind yourself that rest is not a reward,” suggests Bailey. “You don’t need to work to be deserving of rest. Its a basic human need, and there is no bar that you need to reach to give yourself permission for it.”

2. Built rest into your schedule

When you start thinking about rest as a priority, you can work it into your weekly schedule without feeling guilt. “This could include highlighting one hour in your day or a particular day in the week that you can reset by tapping into the seven types of rest,” Bailey says. “It might even help to book or plan self-care activities that will force you to commit to them.” 

3. Seek out and accept help

Remember, you don’t have to do everything alone. Find a friend or partner who can help. And don’t be afraid to ask. “Delegate responsibilities to other family members and friends and where possible consider outsourcing tasks if it’s financially feasible,” suggests Paul. You can also get some help by asking a friend to hold you accountable to rest commitment. “Ask a friend, partner, colleague or therapist to help keep you accountable,” Bailey offers.

4. Be clear with yourself and others about your boundaries

If you don’t have boundaries in place, it will be easy to fall back into old habits. “Learn to say no to additional commitments that aren’t essential,” Paul suggests. “Saying no can be one of your biggest forms of self-care. It’s ok to prioritise your own needs and say no to activities or responsibilities that drain your energy.”

Saying no is easier said than done. In fact, it often takes practice. “Instead say things like, ‘let me check and come back to you’,” Bailey says. “It gives you a chance to pause before you over-commit yourself, and then to carefully think about how to politely decline.”

5. Listen to your body’s nervous system

Sometimes, you will need rest – whether you’ve planned to take it or not. Try to listen to your body and give it what it needs. “Your body will give you signals to let you know when you’re overdue physical, mental or emotional rest,” says Bailey. “Notice when your body is going into fight, flight or freeze mode. These tell you that you’re in survival mode, and in desperate need of some R&R.”

Images: Getty