Being able to understand other people’s emotions isn’t easy for everyone.

In a world where so many of us are caught up in our own day-to-day lives and the things that go on around us, acknowledging the feelings of others and being in tune with our emotional intelligence can fluctuate – but there is a way to identify the different ways we empathise to better connect with and understand the people around us and develop our own emotional intelligence.

Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, defines empathy as the ability to understand others’ emotions while noting that it comes in “sensing others’ feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns” – but empathy doesn’t necessarily walk in a straight line. 

After all, there are different types that serve different purposes. One person addressing this is a career coach and entrepreneur Shade Zahrai.

Zahari, who boasts over 1.2 million followers on TikTok, took to the platform to share her thoughts on the three different types of empathy, starting with cognitive empathy.

“Cognitive empathy [is] the ability to identify the emotion someone else feels,” says Zahari.

When we see someone we know struggling, the ability to be there for them and understand why they feel that way is a key aspect of cognitive therapy as we are able to place ourselves in their position and imagine how they must be feeling.

Next, Zahari mentions emotional or affective empathy, which she describes as “feeling what someone else feels, also known as vicariously sharing the emotion”.

Lastly, Zahari mentions compassionate empathy, which she says is “feeling concern and compassion for someone else”.

While addressing these three key signs of empathy, the entrepreneur claims the most important of the three is compassionate empathy.

“Research suggests it’s compassionate empathy because beyond just knowing and feeling you’re actually driven to do something,” she says.

For those looking to develop their empathy muscle, Zahrai says there are five key questions you can ask yourself to grow in this area.

“Ask yourself ‘what’s going on for this person right now?’ ‘what might they be feeling?’ ‘Have I ever felt this way and what was it like?’ ‘What’s important to them?’ and ‘What do they want and how can I help?’”

This video, which gained over 41,000 views, saw many comments on the importance of empathy, particularly, compassionate empathy.

“Compassion is key if we want to change our dog-eat-dog society,” wrote one, while another said: “I can definitely show my compassionate empathy a bit more and think about how others might feel in a situation.

“It’s easy to just embrace a ‘do you, don’t care about anyone else mentality’ but caring about others should still be a priority.”

At a time when we’re people are ditching their people-pleasing ways and are understanding the importance of asserting boundaries, it’s easy for empathy to fly out the window at times.

But the reality is, it’s all about balance. Do what you need to do for yourself, and find ways to empathise with those around you – and identifying the different types of empathy that exist is a great way to start navigating it all.

Image: Getty