I love a good TikTok scroll. I often find myself clicking onto the app and falling into an abyss of videos that can range from educational to downright silly, and before I know it I have been watching, learning, laughing for well over an hour thanks to this one little app.

But one of the other elements of TikTok that I love is the algorithm’s ability to pick up on the content you tend to watch, like and engage with and then deliver similar content to keep you occupied.

This is why I was fascinated by a trend I noticed, starting with one video of a mixed-race woman who joked about when you’re the “Black mom + white dad type of biracial”.

The user captioned the video “I count my blessings every day” and saw hundreds of comments from people equally grateful about being raised by a Black mother and white father (as opposed to a white mother and Black father).

“We’re the elite biracials,” one commented on the video, while another wrote: “The hair always shows it,” and a third said: “happy I wasn’t raised by a Karen”.

While the creator behind the video highlighted that the clip was meant to be “lighthearted” it did pose an interesting question about how some mixed-race people view each other and how the validity of their Blackness can be based on whether they were raised by a Black mother or white mother – particularly amid the rise of “Karen” culture over the last five years.

This sentiment was echoed in other similar TikTok videos, with more mixed-race people taking the same stance – one which celebrated being mixed with a Black mother and equally discredited those raised with white mothers. 

This so-called “biracial hierarchy” which uplifts mixed-race women raised by Black mothers (while equally calling out white mothers) may be a new enough debate on TikTok but its roots stem from something much deeper.

There is an understanding that as Black women we have a certain awareness of our Blackness that we pass onto our children because it is innate. From how we will be treated due to our race, to how we manage our hair, these things are intrinsic to who we are, whereas for white mothers, this is something they have to learn and pass on to their mixed-race children – and that journey at times isn’t always easy.

“Navigating the world as a non-white-passing mixed person was tricky and not easy in my family,” says *Naomi.

Naomi, who has one brother and was raised by a Scottish mother and Jamaican father, struggled with her identity growing up and particularly missed having other mixed or Black women around her who could relate to her experience.

“I was raised by both my white mum and Black dad and while there was definitely Jamaican influences in our household, conversations just around the things that I may experience as a mixed-race girl never came up on either side,” she says.

“At times, that was difficult because my mum didn’t initially have that awareness of what it’s like to raise a mixed-race girl and I don’t feel my dad really offered much because I was a girl.

“Whereas with my brother, the conversations were more frequent as a Black man speaking to a “Black boy” and how to navigate a world with stop and search, stereotypes and things like that.”

Naomi recalls some of the difficult moments she faced growing up and how she had to learn to figure it out along the way – from learning to tend to her 4c hair texture, which she says “was always a struggle with her mum” to dealing with microaggressions.

“I was always made to feel like my hair was a problem by my mum,” she admits. “She didn’t know how to deal with it so I ended up relaxing it at a young age.

“While some may feel like it’s just hair, to me it was representative of how she viewed the Black side of me as some kind of burden.”

Naomi stresses that this isn’t the case for all mixed children raised by white mothers but feels there’s definitely a “learning process that the majority of us had to go through”.

“My mum was pretty young when she had me so I have an understanding that there were things she needed to learn and she did eventually – and my dad definitely could’ve done more.”

“But I do feel like a lot of those things I learned about my hair, Blackness, our history, how to navigate the world, I probably would’ve learned having a Black mother and I think that’s the reality for a lot of mixed kids raised by white mothers.

“It doesn’t mean the love is any less or there is a lack of appreciation though; my mother is amazing,” she says. “But that innate learning and teaching about how to raise mixed-children isn’t necessarily there and I think it’s good to see more interracial couples of my generation having those conversations early on so that when they have kids, they can better navigate that world and hopefully there will be less of these Black mum vs white mum debates that we’re seeing on social media.”

Naomi adds that while the TikTok trend may be perceived as lighthearted, it could do a lot more harm than good.

“It’s creating another disparity among us as mixed-race people and making it harder even with the challenges we face to be understood already.”

Mary Mandefield, a mixed-race woman of Caribbean and English heritage, agrees with Naomi’s stance.

“I think it sends a strong message to others that if we don’t know where to place ourselves, then others can decide where to place us,” says Mary.

Mary, who was raised by a Black mother and white father says her upbringing was heavily influenced by her mother’s parenting style.

“I think my mum was quite strict with us growing up compared to my friends raised by white parents,” she says. “I also share a lot of her interests in music and food.”

Growing up, Mary shared similar experiences with Naomi when it came to understanding her identity, particularly as she grew up in an area where she was a minority.

“I grew up in Hertfordshire, and as a kid, my classmates and friends were mostly white,” she says.

“I even found that my friends’ parents would often patronise me, asking me things like ‘Do you have these at your home Mary?’ or telling me in detail about their holidays to the Caribbean and saying ‘Your people are so lovely’.

The 27-year-old’s upbringing showed just how impactful the environment you grow up in can be and she found that a change in her circumstances provided an opportunity to explore more of her identity.

“At secondary school, I had more Black friends who would tell me about their culture and that’s where I learnt more about it from different perspectives.

“I’m also really grateful that my parents made friends with a family in our town who had kids a similar age and were the same mix as my sister and I. Having friends that look like you is so important, even if you don’t think about it consciously at the time.”

This understanding of her identity was further amplified when Mary moved to Namibia after she finished school.

“In a country where the majority of the population is Black, I finally felt less like the odd one out (even though, as Westerners, we really stood out). I realised the power that the word ‘minority’ had over us in the UK and vowed to not use it again to describe myself or other people of colour.

“I also started feeling more secure in my Blackness and proud to be part of a culture where it felt like we had each other’s backs. As I travelled more, I would naturally become friends with other Black and mixed girls, especially when you felt very outnumbered on the ‘backpackers’ circuit.”

With this wealth of knowledge on her side, Mary feels empowered in her Blackness and one of the things she treasures the most is her ability to discuss these issues freely with her mother – something she feels may play a role in this ongoing trend on TikTok.

“I am able to talk openly about race with my mum, which I don’t think would be the same if she were white. It makes me reflective too as I remind myself that my mum’s experiences as a Black woman will always be different to mine as a mixed woman,” she says.

“But ultimately, race is one factor out of many which will determine your experiences and sometimes as mixed people we create this unnecessary hierarchy.

“It can feel like a conversation of ‘are you Black enough’ and by having a Black mum, you get some kind of imaginary points.

“It’s sad to see this divide because there’s so much noise around mixed-ness without acknowledging that we’re often privileged to be able to choose where we place ourselves anyway”

Images: Getty; Mary Manfield