How many times have you heard someone say: “I can’t stand small talk”? Maybe you’ve even said it yourself. We tend to think that small pleasantries, like asking someone their dinner plans or how their day has been are a waste of time, inauthentic or just plain boring, but it turns out that learning the art of micro-talk can lead to closer bonds with the people around us.

Micro-talk is the nod as you cross paths with a colleague, the swift “hi” to a neighbour, the heart emoji reaction to a friend’s Instagram story, the “thanks” to the waiter at the cafe, or the “good” in response to a casual inquiry about your day. It may not seem like it, but it actually holds a lot of importance. As psychologist Mark Travers writes in Psychology Today: “Small talk is the bread and butter of social interaction. Without it, we would not be making friends, building trust in new acquaintances, easing into deeper conversations or navigating unfamiliar social settings with grace and confidence.”

Granted, it can sometimes feel awkward and clunky. Make an ill-judged remark to a colleague while you’re waiting by the kettle or put your foot in it when meeting a stranger at a party, and you can be sure that the interaction will play out over and over again in your mind. However, after decades of being dismissed, small talk is now being belatedly recognised as a beneficial feature of everyday life.

A 2013 study by psychologist Elizabeth Dunn discovered that quick social interactions at a coffee shop with a barista and its customers resulted in feelings of belonging and increased happiness. These positive feelings were achieved solely through reaping the benefits of smiling, making eye contact and holding a brief conversation with a stranger, all while ordering a simple cup of coffee. In the same year, a Ted Talk titled In Defence Of Small Talk declared that it can serve as an important gateway to real understanding between two strangers or acquaintances.

What’s more, research by the University of Chicago in 2014 found that people reported a more positive experience in many everyday situations when they interacted with those around them compared to when they hadn’t. 

Post-pandemic and amid turbulent global relations, fostering human connection feels more important than ever. But in order to find it, rather than shying away from micro-talk, what we should be doing is holding more appreciation for these  casual conversations than ever before. 

Images: Getty