Weddings are the most joyous of occasions. 

A celebration of love, commitment, family and friends, they offer some of the most unforgettable days in life. However, they can also bring you out in hives and a cold sweat, especially if you’ve been asked to make a speech. 

Public speaking can be daunting at the best of times, but when the mood of the entire room – not to mention the happy couple – is dependent on your words, the panic can be nauseating. If you are a regular wedding-goer, you’ll have experienced both the bad and the good. You might have sat through awkward silences when a joke about the bride’s mother didn’t land or twitched when too many uncomfortable references were made about the stag night activities. 

But you will have also sat through wondrous and emotional monologues and listened to beautiful turns of phrase that made you weep into your wine or laugh so hard that you choked on your chicken. 

When done right, a wedding speech can be magical. If asked by the couple to speak at their nuptials, know that it is a sign of love and the greatest of compliments. They want to hear from you and have singled you out as an important character in the story of their life. 

For you, it’s an opportunity to express your adoration to the people you love most. Sadly, this is why the nerves usually kick in. You want it to be perfect and it’s natural to have a desire for your five minutes of public speaking fame to go down in history.  

Siobhan O’Connor, 29, lives in north London and is just one bridesmaid making a speech this summer. She says the pressure is on. “One of my best friends is getting married in Bali in just two weeks’ time,” she tells Stylist. “Another bridesmaid and I are responsible for making the speech. It’s my first time doing something like this, and most weddings I’ve attended have usually stuck to the traditional speech format.

“I’m currently very nervous, as like most things in my life, I have left it to the very last minute to prepare and practise. I know the lead-up will be overwhelming. I don’t know how crazy to go, how honest to be or whether to make a slideshow or burst into a rap. I have watched too many TikTok videos on the matter. The silver lining is that it is a small wedding.”

So, how does one go about writing a speech and subsequently deliver it without melting into a pool of nerves? Lucy Menghini is the founder of Six Stories, a one-stop shop for brides-to-be and bridesmaids. Through her work, she aids brides, grooms, best men and bridesmaids who bear the responsibility of a speech on the big day. 

Her most important nugget of advice is to remember why you are there. “If you’re a bridesmaid, remember that this is your time to share your fondest memories and thoughts with the bride and groom and to really show your true friendship,” she explains. “Embrace the opportunity and take this time to shower the happy couple with love.”

She notes that there are a number of steps to take to get you wedding speech ready. 

Menghini is a big believer in preparation and, as the saying goes, fail to prepare, prepare to fail. 

“There’s no harm in starting early and preparing your speech with plenty of time until the wedding,” she explains. “The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel. There’s also nothing wrong with writing a couple of notes and prompts – don’t feel as though you have to remember it off the top of your head. Write from the heart and remember there are no expectations.

“Generally, a speech includes meaningful anecdotes and memories with a touch of humour and some thank yous thrown in.”

Even though nerves will play a factor, Menghini says you shouldn’t let them detract from your personality. 

“Let your personality shine through your speech and be yourself,” she explains. “Remember that you’re not putting on a show or trying to impress anyone; it’s simply about showing your friends how much you love them. Humour is good but if you are very nervous about public speaking, forcing funny can be unnatural. Take a deep breath, and try to take your time. Watch some YouTube videos on how to deliver a good speech, get in front of the mirror and practise. Ask others for advice too. Get a second opinion and be open to feedback.”

Most importantly, remember your speech doesn’t have to be a novel. 

“Don’t feel as though your speech has to be long,” Menghini says. “Remember the general rule of quality over quantity. Keep it short, sweet, authentic and heartfelt.”

Meanwhile, if you are a nervous speech maker to be, take comfort from the words of someone who has already taken on the challenge and succeeded. 

Newspaper editor Katy Harrington felt privileged when she was asked to be a bridesmaid at her friend Nikki’s wedding eight years ago. And she was especially honoured when asked to make a speech at the event. 

“It was an honour,” Harrington recalls. “The bride didn’t have family there for personal reasons, so I really felt like my speech was important, and I wanted to speak for her as best as I could. She didn’t want to speak herself, so her other best friend and I were the speech makers on the day.

“I read mine from an iPad, as I would have been too nervous to do it without notes. I didn’t think it would look great, but it kept me in line. I realise now that writing it down is not a cheat and stops you from rambling. I have been to so many weddings with terrible speeches. I didn’t want to sound smart or funny; all I wanted was to talk about Nikki, and that’s what I did. I had never written a wedding speech before, but once I kept the focus on her, talked about the person she is and why I love her, well, the words flowed easily.”

And Harrington’s most significant piece of advice? Practise, practise and practise. 

“You must practise,” she urges. “There is no other way to get comfortable with it. Preferably, do it in front of someone on the day before. I read mine twice out loud and timed it. If it’s more than three minutes, it’s too long. It’s not a performance. 

“Then speak slowly and clearly. It’s very easy to rush if you are nervous, but take a breath and remember to look up from your notes. Do all of those things and I promise it will go off without a hitch.”

Images: Getty