Sara Barron

“First and foremost: never tell an anecdote that involves a coincidence. Your coincidence is someone else’s active boredom.

I learned this the hard way when, one time, I was on a holiday in Hawaii, and I saw a woman from my hometown but in Honolulu. My mind was absolutely blown. When I got back and people would ask ‘How was Hawaii?’ all I could do was yammer on about how I’d seen someone from my hometown but in Hawaii! – and I really did see in the faces of those I was verbally masturbating on that these sorts of things make for mind-numbing, non-story stories.

Second: stock yourself with high levels of charisma. This can be a tough note to action, I realise. Not just because you can’t just make yourself charismatic, but also because people without charisma tend not to know they’re not charismatic. (If someone were to say ‘I’m not that charismatic’, that level of self-awareness would then, in turn, make them charismatic, do you know what I mean?) Anyway. If you’ve got it, now’s the time to flaunt it.

Finally: start as close to the end of the story as possible. Trust me, if you’re someone who drags things out anecdotally, this will change the lives of the friends and co-workers who must endure you for the better.

See Sara Barron’s show Anything For You at the Monkey Barrel as part of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, 29th July to 25th August (not 5th, 12th & 19th).

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