I never told my friend it was over; I just started being unavailable and avoided calling her. It felt like the right thing to do at the time. I wanted my marriage to work and my husband was more important to me. I had my babies, and my friend had one too following a one-night stand. We talked on the phone a little afterwards, but as soon as she mentioned meeting up for a pint I felt that same pull again. It wasn’t going to work.

Registered psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan explains how I could have navigated this differently. “Just because a friend’s lifestyle doesn’t fit into your current lifestyle it doesn’t mean they don’t have a place in your life. Friendships can evolve,” she says. “Instead of seeing it as a choice between staying close or cutting ties, consider how the friendship might look different. Maybe you won’t see each other every weekend, but you can still have meaningful catch-ups that honour both of your lives.”

The truth is, I never gave it a chance. I never told her how I felt and I’ll never know if we could have found a way to make it work. “When considering the role a friend plays in your life, focus on the qualities you value in them rather than the things you used to get up to together,” Keenan says. “If your friend is supportive, fun or a great listener, these traits don’t disappear just because your life has changed. Find new ways to connect that honour these qualities, even if they look different from what you were used to.”

Eight years ago, after 16 years of marriage, I got a divorce. I felt ready to start again and meet someone new, and though I was never going back to my old partying ways, I did feel a sense of freedom coming back into my life. I bumped into my friend in a bookshop one day, and we stopped to catch up for a while. We swapped numbers, but neither of us ever called the other. I can’t speak for her, but my life feels a million miles away from the life we shared all those years ago – it almost feels scary to go back there. And yet, I miss her. I miss how she understood me, how we could talk and talk about anything and nothing. I’ve never found anyone to take her place, and maybe if I’d held onto that we could have found a way through.

I feel like maybe one day we’ll bump into each other again and pick up where we left off. On some level, we’ll always be friends, perhaps because we never fell out or ended our friendship. But right now, I’m not planning on getting back in touch with her. Maybe it’s better to remember us the way we were.

Access all your Stylist+ articles in one place on the all-new Stylist app. Download on the Apple App Store or Google Play.

Images: Getty

“I dropped my fun party friend when I met my husband – 23 years later, I still regret it”