Child-free women – we ride at dawn. To Disney World.

This is but the latest strategic move in our revolution. First, we discovered that scientifically we are the happiest people on the planet. Happier, even, than women who are married with families. Now, we take all our happiness as child-free women to the happiest place on earth: Disney World.

Why are we doing this, you might ask? Well, it’s a response to a viral Facebook post in which a mother raged against “childless couples” and “this c**t in some very SLUTTY shorts” who selfishly clog up the rides and the gift shops and the novelty themed restaurants at theme parks with all their shamefully disposable income, taking up the space that should rightfully only belong to those with families. 

This is not a joke. This is a real post that was really posted on Facebook in September last year and is only now going viral. Here are some choice quotes from the original missive:

“It pisses me off TO NO END!!!!! When I see CHILDLESS COUPLES WITHOUT [CHILDREN] AT DISNEY WORLD!!!!” the post begins. “DW is a FAMILY amusement park!!! Yet these IMMATURE millennials THROW AWAY THEIR MONEY ON USELESS CRAP!!!!” 

The original post added that child-free women have “NO idea the JOY and HAPPINESS it is top MOTHERS WHO BUY THEIR BABIES TREATS AND TOYS!!!” the poster went on to single out a “c**t in some very SLUTTY shorts was buying a Mickey pretzel and Aiden [my son] wanted one but the line was very long so I said later and it broke his poor little heart and he cried I WANTED TO TAKE THAT FUCKING PRETZEL FROM THAT TRAMP LIKE THANKS BITCH YOU MADE MY SON CRY!!!”

It ends thusly: “I fucking hate childless women with a BURNING PASSION!!!!” Charming.

Stop the Internet, we want to get off.

Since being recirculated on Twitter, the post has been rightly ridiculed for its message of entitlement and exclusion. “This is my new favourite wild mommy post,” one Twitter user joked. “It’s me, the millennial slut who just goes to Disney World to make children cry.”

Another added: “With great power comes great responsibility. You are now MANDATED to go fuck up some Karen’s day by existing at Disney World. Godspeed you rebel.” And there was this, perfect in its simplicity: “Disney is for everyone.”

They’re right, of course. Disney is for everyone. It’s for young kids and big kids at heart. It’s for all kinds of families, in all shapes and sizes. It’s for all races and backgrounds and abilities. It’s as much for each of these groups as it is for any other one. It is as much for the mothers with their young children as it is for the child-free women. 

Disney World admits, on average, 52 million visitors every single year. It spans 36 different resorts and can accommodate in more than 30,000 hotel rooms. Those guests dine at 300 restaurants on more than 10 million hamburgers, six million hot dogs, nine million pounds of fries and 300,000 pounds of popcorn every single year.

Those 52 million visitors aren’t just families with children, and nor should they be. Theme parks are for everyone who wants to attend them. They’re for the woman who knows all the words to every Disney song on a holiday with her best friends. They’re for the woman who can’t wait to have a drink at Oga’s Cantina in the newly opened Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge ride. They’re for the woman who wants to spin around, ill-advisedly, in circling tea cups directly after eating lunch. They’re for the woman who wants to wear Mickey Mouse ears, for the woman who loves the Disney castle, for the woman who wants to eat a pretzel as she walks down Main Street.

No one gets to police who can and can’t scream on a rollercoaster or take a selfie with a cartoon character or slurp on a slushie. 

Visiting a theme park like Disney World is expensive. But for those who can afford that luxury, it offers an escape from reality and a chance to walk around a magical place for a few hours, or even a few days. For many, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience that they’ll never forget.

Everyone deserves the change to have that kind of experience, if they want it. Pass the novelty-shaped pretzel, please.  

Images: Unsplash