A few months before Christmas, my colleague and I started seeing one another casually outside of work. Over the festive period, things naturally fizzled out, but now I can’t see him in the office without feeling awkward. It’s not like things were serious and no one that we work with even knew about it, but every time we have strained water cooler chat it feels like there’s a huge secret weighing on me. I don’t want this to force me into changing my job, so how do I learn to work alongside someone I’m no longer romantically involved with?

How I wish I could put my arms around you and reassure you that things are going to work out just fine. I can promise that how you’re feeling will turn out to be only a temporary anxiety because your affair is so fresh in your mind. Of course this is all a bit awkward: one minute you’re getting frisky and the next you’re trying to act like poker-faced professionals. So your cringing is totally normal and just shows you’re not a complete robot. I would wager any money that your ex feels exactly the same as you but is perhaps pulling off being cool a bit better than you are. Inside he’ll be feeling just as sheepish.

Let me congratulate you on getting away with an office affair without anyone else ever suspecting. I’ve worked with so many colleagues who’ve had various liaisons at work and they always said afterwards that it was the gossip and speculation about them that made life so difficult. They were worn down by the sneaking around and feeling their relationship was up for public scrutiny. Usually they tried to keep the dalliance secretive for as long as possible until they decided if it was a fling or something more serious. If the flirtation developed into a full-blown relationship, they stopped caring what others thought about them. 

You’ve pulled off the enviable trick of having a brief entanglement without any prying eyes – hats off to you both. Because you managed this, now is certainly not the time to set tongues wagging by behaving weirdly around each other. It’s crucial to concentrate on acting totally at ease with this person even if it’s not what you’re feeling inside. It’s the same technique as “faking it to making it”. You didn’t fall out with one another; things just sort of evaporated between you. This makes life easier – there’s nothing to be embarrassed or regretful about. 

Instead, take advantage, if you can, of the relaxed rapport you had when you were more intimate together. For starters, a bit of banter between you would ease the tension. A few light-hearted, knowing comments from you will assure him that you’re relaxed about the whole situation, not angry or sad or embarrassed. He’ll be reminded why he liked you so much in the first place. This is about you taking the upper hand instead of skulking around like a shrinking violet. After all, the pair of you are simply two consenting adults who had some fun together and now you’ve resumed your original roles. This might seem easy for me to say but challenging for you to do. Look at the alternatives, though. Strangling yourself with agitation is not getting you anywhere and risks setting off the gossip mongers. 

You have nothing to lose by owning your relationship history with dignity. In other words, shake it off and move on.

Images: Getty