Why managers need to embrace their bad boss traits, not run from them

woman at work manager in office

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Why managers need to embrace their bad boss traits, not run from them

By Ellen Scott

Updated 2 years ago

5 min read

No one wants to be a bad boss… and yet there seem to be so many of them. Might that be because too many rubbish managers aren’t aware of their badness? 


We’ve all experienced a bad boss. And experienced just how frustrating a terrible manager can be. It’s tempting to look at these people and think: If I were in charge, I’d never do that. But this speedy dismissal – the division of people into ‘good bosses’ and ‘bad bosses’ – might not be the right move. As with most things, the reality is more complicated. 

“When I announced that I was writing a book on bad bosses my inbox was inundated with people wanting to share with me their stories about bad bosses they’d had,” Debra Corey, an award-winning HR expert and the author of Bad Bosses Ruin Lives: The Building Blocks For Being A Great Boss, tells Stylist. “Story after story told of how a boss had made things uncomfortable or difficult for them, and many had stories of ones that had, as the title of the book says, ruined their lives.

“We’ve heard for years about the negative consequences that bad bosses can have. How people leave bosses and not companies (57% of people said they left their company because of their boss). How people don’t trust their bosses (64% of people said that they’d trust a robot more than they’d trust their boss). How a bad boss can drive disengagement (bosses account for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement score). And how a boss can have just as much of an impact on their people’s mental health as their spouse and even more of an impact than their doctor or therapist. Add it all up, and a bad boss can and does have a huge and devastating impact on the lives of their people and, because of this, on the success of their business.

Embrace, and don’t ignore, these bad boss traits

“We laugh at these bad bosses, point fingers at them, blame them and even come up with nasty names to call them. But where has that gotten us? Nowhere, as we still have a very real problem. I believe this is happening because, for many of us, we don’t even know that we have these bad boss traits. In fact, I’m absolutely sure that if we went to the bosses of those we surveyed, the majority would be shocked to hear that their employees thought they were a bad boss. But mathematically, that can’t be right. We know that bad bosses exist.”

In short, we’ve got a bad case of denial. And if we refuse to accept that we have the potential to become bad bosses, thinking of all rubbish managers as separate beings, it’s tough for us to spot when we’re not getting things right… and then even tougher to make stuff better. 

“We need to accept the fact that there are bad boss traits in all of us, not just the few,” says Corey. “Bad boss traits are not taboo to discuss; rather, we need to understand and embrace them so that we can accept those that apply to us, instead of denying that they exist. And, equip ourselves with new skills so we’re able to tackle our bad boss traits instead of trying to be a great boss using bad boss techniques and approaches.”

A woman talking at work

Credit: Getty

The first hurdle to filling the world of work with better bosses, then, is to be open to recognising where we could be going wrong. Corey adds: “Embrace your bad boss traits, knowing that you’re not alone, and that through awareness, acceptance and action you can and will be a better boss.”

Once you’ve spotted your mistakes, it’s about knowing you’re capable of fixing them. Bad bosses are not born as such; everyone can change and improve. “You can be a boss who isn’t afraid to lead and manage others in new and different ways, breaking away from the bad boss stereotypes and traits that are far too prevalent,” Corey notes. “One who can finish the day feeling good about how they’ve treated others, and how they feel about themselves. And one who understands that it’s going to take work and it’s going to be a journey.

“Remind yourself of this and embrace it. Celebrate achievements, learn from setbacks and accept that it will often be progress over perfection. By doing this, I’m confident that you’ll become a great boss, one who doesn’t ruin lives, but enriches them.”

Step one, we reckon, is to read up on the 10 types of bad boss and the signs linked to each. To get you started, Corey breaks down the three most common below…

The unappreciator

Corey’s research found that the unappreciator was the most common type of bad boss, with 81% of workers reporting having experienced a leader with some or all of this type’s traits. “They include not showing their people recognition, gratitude or appreciation, making them feel unvalued, invisible and unappreciated for their actions and contributions,” Corey explains. 

The micromanager

In second place is the micromanager. Often this behaviour – trying to oversee everything an employee does – comes down to trust. If you don’t have faith in someone being able to do something, of course you’re going to try to take control and do it yourself. But being micromanaged is seriously demotivating… and a waste of time. 

If you notice yourself micromanaging, it’s worth thinking about where your lack of trust might be coming from. Has this person messed up before? Do you not have confidence in their abilities? If they do a bad job, do you get penalised for it? Then, consider arranging in-depth training opportunities for your team. After all, if you give someone a fish, they eat for a day. If you teach them to fish, they eat for a lifetime. If you fail to teach someone to fish, and then hover behind them watching them angle their rod, you’re both going to get irritable, and likely scare off any fish with your grumbling. 

The avoider

“The avoider doesn’t show up for their people, not giving them the time and attention they need to do their job and feel valued,” notes Corey. “They also avoid providing feedback, leaving their people in an endless loop of trying to figure out if they should continue doing what they’ve been doing, change directions or give up completely.”

If this is you, perhaps it’s time to book in some one-to-ones. 

Debra Corey is an award-winning HR expert and the author of Bad Bosses Ruin Lives: The Building Blocks For Being A Great Boss (out now), co-authored with Ken Corey. 

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