While it’s awful to be at the receiving end of a tirade from a toxic boss, it can also be pretty confusing to see it happen to someone else. Workplace politics can make it tricky to know exactly what to do. Do you speak up right then and there? Go to HR and report the incident? Speak to your colleague afterwards? Or do you simply keep your head down and ignore what you’ve seen?

We spoke to career coach Florence Weber-Zuanigh, founder of Diversity in the Boardroom – an organisation that promotes diversity, equity and inclusion in the workplace – to get some tips on how to behave when you’re a bystander to toxicity at work.

Why do so many people choose not to speak up when they see something ‘wrong’ at work?

According to Weber-Zuanigh, it’s actually very normal to feel like you can’t speak up when you see inappropriate behaviour at the office.

“Many factors can play into someone not speaking up when something wrong happens at work: the time it takes to get over the initial shock of what you witnessed, finding the right words, wondering whether it will be taken seriously by the leadership team or the company altogether,” she says. 

To make matters worse, some toxic behaviours may be ingrained in your workplace’s company culture. “Many abusive behaviours can be condoned by an organisation under the guise of someone performing well or being trusted by clients,” says Weber-Zuanigh.

But this doesn’t mean the behaviour is right. “Remember to trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”

Why is it important to take action and support your colleagues?

While speaking up can be hard, it’s almost always the right thing to do. “A recent study showed that women who weren’t supported by their co-workers in the moment, even if people came to check on them afterwards, were left feeling like they didn’t belong and it had a massive impact on their wellbeing at work,” says Weber-Zuanigh.

In fact, by stepping up and supporting your colleagues, you can begin to transform your organisation’s culture for the better.

“Supporting your co-workers in those moments is basically the difference between ‘[one] person has a toxic behaviour’ and ‘this workplace is toxic’,” says Weber-Zuanigh. “As hard as it is to stand up, no matter your job title, you have the power to make sure someone’s disrespect of others doesn’t spread to the whole organisation.”

What should you do instead of being a bystander?

The first step is to focus on the person who is at the receiving end of the toxic behaviour. “In the moment, it should never be about the perpetrator,” says Weber-Zuanigh. “For example, if someone is talking over a colleague, dismissing their ideas and being rude, you should focus on the colleague who’s been talked over.” 

In this instance, you could say something like, ‘What’s your opinion on that?’ ‘I think you had something to share’ or ‘I really liked your idea, please say more’. 

This has the effect of “bringing them back into the conversation and making them feel valued”, explains Weber-Zuanigh, while gently ensuring that the toxic behaviour stops.

Once you’ve done your best to help your colleague, you can determine the best course of action to take regarding the other person. 

If they’re a co-worker and you feel comfortable doing so, you could try talking to them directly. Or you could take the matter to their line managers or even to HR.

“HR will log complaints about employees; ask them first whether [your complaint] can be anonymous, depending on how you feel about it,” says Weber-Zuanigh. If there is only one complaint against someone, she says, HR may try to collect more information, but there is no guarantee it will go anywhere. 

However, she adds that others will likely already have raised concerns: “With people perpetrating toxicity at work, it is often a pattern of behaviour, and chances are HR [have] already received a few complaints.” Your additional report will make it “harder for them to ignore” the issue.

And don’t forget to keep checking on your colleague. “Depending on how comfortable you are from a hierarchical point of view, maybe mention to their line manager to check on them too,” Weber-Zuanigh suggests.

While it can be hard to know what to do when you notice toxic behaviour at work, taking action is the best way to ensure it doesn’t keep happening. Start by supporting your colleague however you can, then escalate a complaint to the person’s line manager or even to HR.  The more bystanders stand up, the sooner the culture can change for the better.

Images: Getty