If you live with a partner, there’s a good chance you’ve fallen into a pretty standard routine. Every day, you get home from work, hang up your coat and greet your significant other in the living room or the kitchen. “How was your day?” you ask.

Most couples end up chatting about work when they get home – after all, we spend a lot of time there. It’s only natural we want to keep our partner up to date on what we’ve been up to.

However, when the quick catch-up descends into an hour-long rant about that one colleague who keeps turning on the air con or playing loud music, the habit can quickly become harmful. Before you know it, you’ve spent the entire evening talking about work.

According to a 2022 study published in Current Psychology, talking to your partner about work can be a great way to strengthen your relationship. In fact, researchers concluded that it could lead to higher levels of relationship satisfaction and improve your connection with your partner. But how much is too much? We spoke to psychotherapist Kamalyn Kaur to find out.

Does chatting about work really lead to a stronger relationship?

The study suggests that it is a healthy practice to speak to our significant others about our work life. 

But according to Kaur, this isn’t always true.

“Work takes up more time than our personal life, so it’s very normal and natural to go home and speak to our partners about it,” says Kaur. 

It’s healthy to show your partner how you’re feeling, and naturally, work will have a big impact on your emotions on a day-to-day basis. 

“If you’ve had a stressful day, it can be a really good way just to release all the emotions,” she says. “Also, it’s definitely a good way to bond and connect with one another. You’re bringing them into your world.”

However, talking about work can sometimes become toxic. If you do it too much or treat your partner as a sounding board for long-winded rants about work, you may lose the benefits.

“There needs to be a fine balance,” Kaur says. “If the majority of your conversations are just consumed around work, then that can take away from other aspects of your relationship and from time that you could be spending to build and grow and nurture your relationship.” 

She also warns against emotionally dumping on your partner.

“If your partner is just sitting there absorbing all that negative energy, that might impact your relationship later on. They might become resentful and bitter about constantly being that person that has to take in that information.” 

Ultimately, she says, balance is key.

When should we chat about work – and for how long?

So, talking about work is good – up to a point. But how do we know when we should be chatting about work and how long is too long?

According to Kaur, it’s best to keep the work-related conversations natural, while being mindful about moving onto other topics.

“I think with most couples, it happens when you’re just doing the dinner prep. I think that’s when most of the stuff naturally comes out anyway right? Either in the prep for dinner or when you’ve just walked in or you’re about to eat,” she says. “That is usually the best time because you’re not fixated on that conversation.” 

This kind of casual work catch up is healthy, she says. However, if you feel yourself craving long, intense conversations about work, this may be a bad sign.

“I don’t think there should ever be a feeling of, ‘Oh, let’s allocate half a day at the weekend to just talk about our work,’” she says. “Honestly, that is definitely a red flag that your work-life balance needs to be looked at.”

Talking about work too much? Here’s how to break the habit

If you’re worried that you or your partner is talking about work a little too often, the best approach is to simply communicate openly with them about how you feel. 

“Tell them this is how I feel about my work and ask them how they feel about receiving that information,” she says. 

Discuss things like it is it getting too much? How much are you OK with hearing? Do you want to just like talk about it for the initial five or 10 minutes when we are entering the door?

“You won’t know until you actually discuss it with your partner and realise the impact it’s having on them,” she says.

Plus, too much work chat can also have a negative impact on you as an individual. “If you’re talking about work stresses, you’re bringing that into your home, which is supposed to be your safe space, isn’t it?” she says. “So you might then feel that frustration or that stress that you’re experiencing at work taking place in your home environment as well because you’re not switching off from that work setting.”

Chatting about work with your partner is healthy – that is, until it isn’t. Trust your gut and listen to your instincts. You’ll probably have a sense of when the conversations cross over from bonding into the territory of emotional dumping. And if you are worried about your work chat habit, remember, the best way forward is always simply being open and honest.

Images: Getty