It’s my least favourite time of day in the office – someone’s doing a tea round. I sink into my chair, beads of sweat cascading down my forehead, my eyes locked on my screen. I don’t dare to look up in case the offending tea-maker catches my gaze.

“Fancy a cup of tea?” 

Someone is peering over my computer, expecting a reply. They’ve found me. “No, thank you,” I croak, as I have done every time a drink has been offered to me in the two weeks since starting this internship.

It’s not that I don’t want tea; it’s that the prospect of becoming embroiled in the unspoken office tea-making contract fills me with as much anxiety as walking into the office stark naked. So I sit it out, fearfully anticipating the next round, and never making a hot beverage for myself.

This is a ritual I’ve become accustomed to. As a graduate trying to get my first entry-level job in an increasingly dire job market, I’ve become well-versed in the ways of the internship. With the number of graduate vacancies down 30% compared to last year and employers reporting an average of 140 applicants per graduate job opening, for me and other Gen Z graduates, internships are the best way to get your foot in the door if you want to stand out from your 139 fellow applicants. 

On my seventh internship of this year, with a master’s and a first-class degree from a competitive university under my belt (and yet no closer to a job offer), it’s dawning on me that turning up and doing a good job isn’t enough – you have to make an impression. But to make an impression, you have to be chatty, outgoing and confident enough to charm employers into wanting to keep you around. These are all things which, as one of the 12% of adults in the UK with social anxiety, feel impossible to me.

Social anxiety isn’t shyness; it’s a chronic and perpetual self-consciousness of how others perceive you and a fear of embarrassing yourself or saying ‘the wrong thing’. “If you have social anxiety, you have to work so hard when you’re around people that it can feel really draining,” says Dr Annie Zimmerman, also known as Your Pocket Therapist on social media. A large part of this, says Dr Zimmerman, is that people with social anxiety often ‘mask’, donning the traits that they think will make them more likeable. This is exhausting to keep up and sometimes results in total avoidance of social situations. It also interferes with an ability to do ordinary, mundane tasks, which may seem irrational to the non-socially anxious, as with my tea-making debacle.

Though social anxiety doesn’t necessarily accompany introversion (or vice-versa), the two are often conflated, despite one being a personality type and the other a mental health condition. However, the two do overlap in the challenges that both groups encounter in workplaces that aren’t structured in a way that encourages them to succeed. “There is a tax for being introverted,” says Dr Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, an organisational psychologist and author of Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders? (And How to Fix It) – the answer to which, he believes, begins during the hiring process. When applying for a job, Dr Chamorro-Premuzic believes that, in some cases and environments, social skills and the ability to connect with others can be more important than what you know. And, of course, in many sales roles, having great social skills is highly valued. But in other jobs, where interaction is perhaps more minimal or where employers encourage workers to communicate in the ways that best suit them, connecting with an interviewer shouldn’t be valued more highly than your skills and talent.

That being said, it’s common to want to work with people that we ‘click’ with. Research has found that 97% of recruiters prioritise a ‘cultural fit’ when hiring, meaning that people with social anxiety could be at a disadvantage in certain workplaces. But according to Dr Chamorro-Premuzic, this only creates problems further down the line, as hiring managers often confuse confidence for professional competence. “We are prone to be negatively predisposed to somebody who is more reserved, who is more measured,” he says, pointing to the contradiction in this.

Beyond the hiring process, this introversion ‘tax’ has consequences. A Sutton Trust study in 2016 found that extroverted people were 25% more likely to be in a high-earning job, with the odds being greater for men than women.

Recognising the extrovert bias has led to calls from specialists like Dr Chamorro-Premuzic to include introvert bias in anti-bias training, due to it being “a type of profile that is the target of biases”. But as of yet, there is little uptake. Sam Sheppard, who began her coaching and consultancy business after becoming burnt out from office environments, echoes this sentiment. She found that these environments were incompatible with her introverted personality type, leaving her feeling overstimulated, overwhelmed and exhausted. Sheppard now offers advice to businesses on how to make their workplaces more inclusive for introverted personality types, but she finds that few executives are interested in what she offers. She points to how employers need to consider changes to workplace practices, like meetings, which can often be anxiety-inducing as people feel forced to think on their feet and improvise ideas. “What typically happens is the loudest voices dominate the meeting,” she says, adding that this can penalise people who need longer to formulate responses. By not accommodating less extroverted people’s needs in work environments, employers create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Introverted people are set up to fail, and are forced to ‘mask’ constantly. “As a result, [employees] are less productive and more likely to burn out and suffer from mental health issues,” says Sheppard.

Given the slow update on practices that recognise the extrovert bias silently running rampant in workplaces, it’s hard to know where to go from here. But, being a socially anxious or introverted person doesn’t mean that you’re antisocial, unfunny or don’t have interesting things to say. It just means you take longer to become comfortable enough to show these traits. “I think battling social anxiety is about self-acceptance,” says Dr Zimmerman. “If you can learn to accept yourself, then there’s less of a need to prove yourself to others.”

Who knows, maybe this will transform me into the laid-back, confident employee hiring managers are after. Until then, I’ll continue tackling offices, one cup of tea at a time.

Of course, the emphasis should fall on employers to create more inclusive working environments to support people with social anxiety. But, as Dr Chamorro-Premuzic and Sheppard have found, change can be slow.

If you are struggling with social anxiety, here are three ways you can try and make your working day easier. 

Communicating your needs with your manager can feel scary, but understanding how you work best can help them to structure their workspace in a way that can help everyone be most productive. For example, Sheppard recommends asking for an agenda in advance of meetings so you have time to prepare and not think on your feet, and a collaborative document so you can share your thoughts afterwards. This can “help all employees to showcase their true talent and have their ideas heard, not just the loudest voices”, she says. Sheppard also recommends speaking to them about your preferred communication style, and “asking them to provide quiet spaces in the workplace and/or opportunities for hybrid working”.

Getting ready for a job interview? Use the public information available about companies on sites like Glassdoor, LinkedIn and Indeed to go into interviews prepared and ready to ask questions. 

During the interview itself, it’s OK to remind the interviewer you’re human – don’t be afraid to ask for a moment to compose yourself if you become overwhelmed. “People will empathise with you,” says Dr Chamorro-Premuzic. “Employers are also humans who are looking for connection and authenticity,” agrees Dr Zimmerman. “There’s nothing wrong with going into an interview and saying ‘I’m a bit nervous.’ I think that’s quite a confident thing to say.”

“If you’re struggling with anxiety, there is help out there,” says Dr Zimmerman. Going to your GP can be a powerful first step. They will then guide you to the type of help they think best suits you, which might include speaking to a therapist. “Talking to a therapist can feel daunting, but it can be so helpful to share your vulnerabilities and try to better understand the root of your social anxiety, and how you might go about working to improve how you feel in social situations,” Dr Zimmerman explains.

Images: Getty