You’re sitting in a work meeting, fidgeting with your pen and worrying if you should chime in with an opinion of your own. It’s common to feel nervous in meetings and to be unsure about sharing your thoughts.

Stylist speaks to two experts to find out how to feel more confident in meetings.

“There’s nothing like a work meeting to get the old negative thoughts running wild: speaking up in front of people, looking stupid, saying something wrong, making the wrong impression, our career being impacted by our behaviour… the list is endless,” explains chartered psychologist Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo.

“We can experience anxiety for many reasons, which can include fear of negative appraisal, judgment, being in social situations or situations that trigger anxiety related to significant past experiences. It can be triggered by a sudden onset situation or a build-up of smaller situations over time. Basically, when we feel under threat of some sort, our body goes into threat mode and anxiety is one of the symptoms we experience. Our basic instinct is to ‘survive’ and avert the threat, fear or pressure we may be experiencing.”

As difficult as it can be, it’s important to feel able to contribute in work meetings. “Sharing our opinions in meetings is important as we need to feel like we are valued and a contributing member of the team,” says career coach Hannah Salton. “It can feel frustrating and demotivating if we don’t feel we’re being heard at work or that our colleagues don’t value our opinions.” 

Where possible, preparing for a meeting can help with nerves.

“Try to use the anxiety to motivate you to prepare effectively, but also be kind to yourself and try to keep your preparation in proportion. You don’t need to spend five hours preparing to give a 60-second introduction in a team meeting,” says Salton.

Salton recommends gathering as much information in advance as possible for an important meeting. This can include who’ll be attending, what they already know and what they may be interested to hear. 

“If you’re speaking or presenting for a significant amount of time, it might help to break down your talk and think of it in terms of content, structure and delivery. Be clear that the content fits the brief, that the structure is logical, and practise your delivery,” adds Salton.

Dr Quinn-Cirillo suggests what she calls “gentle preparing”, which can include getting there a little early and scoping out the room and seating to help you feel more comfortable. 

“Notice and name the anxiety you feel,” says Dr Quinn-Cirillo. “Our gut instinct is to try to ignore or suppress the anxiety. But this only serves to make the symptoms worse and exacerbate the ‘circle of anxiety’.” 

The circle of anxiety makes us view any anxiety as “something to immediately get rid of”, Dr Quinn-Cirillo says, which “often then reduces our ability to be present in the moment and focus on what really matters, such as the purpose of the meeting and what we may want to achieve. Make room for your anxiety; it’s a normal response.”

“Practise mindfulness by taking deep breaths and paying attention to the external environment around you,” says Salton. “Practise active listening by paying close attention to what others are saying, so you remain focused on the present.”

“Breathe slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth,” advises Dr Quinn-Cirillo. “Try gently placing a flat palm along your collar bone, skin-to-skin if you can, while you breathe. Take a cold drink of water into the meeting. Focus on a few slow, long sips as the water gently goes down.”

“Try to connect with your values around the work meeting – who and what is important to you in this meeting, and what are you wanting to achieve?” says Dr Quinn-Cirillo. 

For example, if you’re working on a project, think about what you need to get out of the meeting: do you need to find out specific stats, or get guidance from a colleague about moving forward? This can help you prepare what to say and stay focused.

“Remember that everyone in your team meeting is human,” adds Salton. “Some may seem more intimidating than others, but every individual has their own fears, hopes and frustrations.”

“When speaking or presenting, be mindful of your pace and body language,” advises Salton. “It might sound simple, but smiling is a really effective way to appear confident and also settle your nerves. Stand or sit up straight, make eye contact and avoid fiddling with props like pens. It’s totally OK to use notes, but ensure you look up as much as you can.

“Minimise filler words like ‘err’ or ‘erm’ and avoid diluting your opinion with phrases such as ‘I sort of think that maybe…’ or adding, ‘Does that even make sense?’ at the end.”

“You could start small and perhaps add an item to the agenda in advance or at the beginning of the meeting to avoid having to interject,” suggests Dr Quinn-Cirillo. “You could try speaking after someone you are more familiar with – someone you know won’t talk over you.” It can also help to let a supportive colleague know that you find it hard to speak up so they make sure to naturally include you in the conversation.

It’s understandable to feel frustrated or upset if you’ve plucked up the courage to contribute only to be ignored. “You might feel you are able to try again, and make your point in a slightly different way to see if this helps,” recommends Salton. 

If you regularly feel you aren’t being listened to in a meeting, “consider raising it with someone after the meeting,” she continues. “This might be with your boss or a trusted friend or mentor. Try not to let these frustrations fester as they could result in your feelings of frustration escalating and causing you to become very unhappy in your job.”

Of course, you don’t have to constantly contribute in meetings – and there’s value in being a quieter, reflective person. “When you are quiet you can listen and absorb information better than when you are talking and focusing on something else,” explains Dr Quinn-Cirillo. She advises considering whether you’re naturally quiet or whether it’s anxiety that’s causing you to not speak up. 

If you’re regularly struggling with meeting anxiety, it can be worth speaking to your GP or a therapist for support, especially if you feel it’s having a negative impact on your wellbeing. You can also find advice and helpful resources via Anxiety UK. 

Images: Getty; Unsplash