Lois Frankel’s 2004 book Why Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office told women that they needed to adopt more ‘masculine’ traits to get ahead at work. Twenty years on, and it’s clear that certain masculine traits haven’t exactly helped push humanity or organisations forward – stress levels are at all-time highs, economic growth is stagnant and our ‘psychological contract’ with capitalism is fraying at the edges.

In an increasingly polarised world, what we really need is more empathy and understanding, both for our colleagues and our customers. And while markets might be competitive, it’s often collaboration and cooperation that drives high-performing teams.

Jacinda Ardern’s leadership of New Zealand through the Covid crisis demonstrated the opposite of the ‘corner office’ philosophy. She put empathy, kindness and trust at the heart of her leadership. She told her citizens the hard truths that leaders closer to home tried to ignore or wish away, and she delivered tough messages with a care and grace that felt refreshing or even a little alien when viewed from afar. She hung out to answer her citizens’ questions on Facebook Live, and she didn’t shirk or sugar-coat the difficult parts. She exhibited, in the most testing and difficult of circumstances, a compelling case for leading with kindness – and a quick look at Covid mortality rates in New Zealand compared to pretty much anywhere else in the world tells its own story.

My new book, KIND: The Quiet Power Of Kindness At Work, is in many ways the antidote to Why Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office. It’s a call to action for all of us, whatever our gender, to bring more of what has traditionally been seen as more female traits – kindness, empathy, trust, listening and caring – into our work. And I’m on a deliberate mission to change the narrative.

Kindness isn’t weak, it’s strong.

Kindness is not a soft skill, it’s often the harder choice.

And far from being fluffy, secondary, or a ‘nice-to-have until the going gets tough’, it’s actually a leadership trait that gets proven results, especially during the harder moments.

There’s a common quote that goes: “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” – and if you think about the people you’ve worked for and worked with, I’m sure you can think of those whose kindness and loyalty meant you’d do anything for them, versus perhaps the odd person whose unkindness meant you want to be as far away from them as possible.

So most of us instinctively know the quiet power that kindness can bring to a team. But how can we make that case for kindness, and how can we make our workplaces kinder?

In making the case for kindness, it’s important to note how vital kindness is to building trust and creating ‘psychological safety’ at work.

Trust is the foundation of any successful team, and kindness is the quickest route to building it. A high level of trust in your team eliminates due diligence – you don’t need as many checks and balances when you trust that someone is operating with the right intentions; just like when you buy a product from a brand you trust, you don’t think twice about the small print.

And trust in a group can lead to a feeling of psychological safety – the notion that people feel safe to take interpersonal risks that benefit the group – like speaking up to share important ideas or feedback, offering risky ideas or not being afraid to raise the alarm, even to those in more senior positions. And just like Ardern, it means that the team chooses not to shirk the difficult truths that push the work forward.

Teams that feel psychologically safe are more productive. And organisations that prioritise kindness often see higher team performance, better problem-solving, higher levels of creativity and innovation, and higher staff retention rates. Kindness can be the antidote to disengagement and is great for the bottom line.

So how can we bring more kindness to our work? In KIND I talk about the eight principles of ‘kindfulness’ at work:

1. Kindness starts with you

It’s often the hardest, but we have to start with ourselves. When we give ourselves permission for self-kindness, we set the tone for those around us.

2. Set clear expectations

Brené Brown, the American academic, author and podcaster, said: “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Asking incisive questions and getting clarity on both the bigger vision and the actionable details helps to build trust and eliminates stressful uncertainty.

3. Listen deeply

Giving someone our fullest attention is one of the kindest things we can do. And improving our listening skills is one of the biggest opportunities for personal growth and development.

4. People first, work second. Always.

No matter the deadline or gravity of a work situation, choosing dignity and work/life balance when someone is in a moment of real need is an opportunity to demonstrate how much someone matters – and while it can create extra work in the short term, it will also create a lasting impression of trust in the longer term.

5. Be humble

It’s not clear who first said “never underestimate what can be achieved when you don’t care who gets the credit”, but I’m sure they won’t mind not getting an official hat tip. Great leaders give credit and take responsibility.

6. Treat people the way they want to be treated

It’s a good idea to treat people the way you want to be treated. It’s an even better idea to treat people the way they want to be treated. How do you get there? Through listening, empathy, understanding personality types and spending time with people outside of ‘work mode’.

7. Slow down

The biggest source of accidental unkindness is busyness. To be kinder, we first have to slow down.

8. It doesn’t end with you

‘Kindfulness’ means creating a culture of kindness – creating opportunities so that other people can step up and do or say kind things. It’s realising that most people are itching to be kinder; they just need the confidence and permission to take action.

Graham Allcott is the founder of organisational development company Think Productive, and the author of six books, including KIND: The Quiet Power Of Kindness At Work.

Images: Adobe