If this is hitting close to home, we have good news: there are lots of ways you can address this. Thomas and Skinner recommend the following steps.

1. Try to be objective

“One idea is to try to approach our work performance as if we were an objective third party,” says Skinner. “Try assessing your wins and challenges from an impartial (but encouraging) perspective. For example, when we feel critical of ourselves, we can take a step back – what’s the evidence we’re working with? Where are there tangible points of improvement we can use as markers to help us accelerate our own development? Or, if we’re really taking an unbalanced view of our performance, where can we find evidence that we’re doing a great job? Looking at our work lives from a slightly removed perspective can help to provide new views and ideas for next steps.”

2. Work on self-reflection and awareness

“Women need to develop a sense of who they want to be in this world and who they want to be in relation to other people,” says Thomas. “We would not consciously choose martyrdom. By becoming clear on who you want to be you’re less likely to subconsciously go along with a status quo that does not support you.”

3. Create a praise folder

“It can help to retain physical evidence of the things that we are doing well – sometimes referred to as a praise folder,” says Skinner. “This is a collection of positive feedback that we can save in an email file or other convenient place. Research suggests we fixate much more on negative experiences than positive, so this kind of strategy can help to counterbalance that instinct.”

4. Set boundaries

“Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life,” advises Thomas. “Recognise that work and productivity is part of who you are and not your whole identity. Remember that we work to help us meet our needs and support us to live well. To help you do this, try making a list of people, places, experiences and things that bring out the best in you, support your passions, challenge you to take calculated risks and make you feel good and powerful - these are your boundaries. Surround yourself with people who value you for who you are, not just what you do.”

5. Practice self-compassion

“Treat yourself with the type of kindness you’d extend to a friend,” says Thomas. “If you find yourself chastising yourself or thinking you haven’t worked hard enough to book time off, think about what you’d say to a friend and apply this to yourself. Remember, your worth is inherent; it’s not tied to your achievements.”

6. Engage in fulfilling activities

“Find joy in activities outside of work,” advises Thomas. “Online communities, hobbies, games nights with friends and creative activities can provide fulfillment and a sense of identity beyond your professional role. Try a hobby you enjoy but are bad at. It will help build your capacity for not being good at everything and doing things for the joy rather than the outcome.”

How to separate your self-worth from your work, according to psychologists